Reid's worst nightmare
by Milliespencerreid
Summary: After a prank war which gets desperately out of hand with Morgan, Reid must face something he has been dreading his whole life. His mother.
1. Chapter 1

HI everyone so this is my first fanfiction. I love reid so much so couldn't help but write one about him! I will try my hardest to update whenever I can! I'm happy to take any criticism as long as it's constructive. Hope you enjoy :).

**Chapter 1 A joke too far:**

Spencer reid sat across from Derek Morgan staring at him intensely. He had spent the whole journey on the jet trying to think of the perfect come back. The team had just had a tough case in Oregon and to lighten the mood Derek decided it would be the perfect opportunity to start another prank war. After horribly loosing against pretty boy he was determined to win this one, and so far he was doing quite well. It had started off with Derek drawing on Reid's face in permanent marker after reid had innocently taken a nap. Reid was later embarrassed by the whole of the Oregon police force laughing at him whilst he delivered the profile. Reid's retaliation however was equally amusing. He'd hooked up with Garcia and managed to get Garcia to convincingly ring Morgan saying that he'd gotten a girl pregnant and social services were waiting for him to pick up the baby. The look on Morgan's face said enough for reid to know that he had it coming for him, and he did. Whilst Reid was taking a shower Morgan took all of his clothes leaving reid a very short and revealing towel. After reid chased Morgan around the hotel in just this towel he soon realized that he was Locked out of his hotel room and had to wait while the very attractive receptionist got his spare key.

"I know your plotting something" Morgan stated.

"Maybe" reid replied slyly. Just then Reid's phone buzzed. The caller ID was enough to send chills down Reid's spine. Freezing for a millisecond reid quickly composed himself and got up to take the call in the kitchen area where he had a bit more privacy. Hotch studied his young agent as he dashed away to answer his call. He knew instantly who it was but also respected the agents' privacy and didn't want to ask if everything was all right.

"Hello". Reid said quickly.

"Dr. Reid, it's. Listen I'm really sorry to be calling you but it's your mum she's had an accident. During an episode she managed to get hold of a knife and well, she um stabbed herself. She's um currently in intensive care but it's not looking good. I-I'm so sorry." The doctor said stumbling over his words. He understood how much Reid's mother meant to him and it saddened him deeply to have to break the news to him. Meanwhile, reid was still trying to absorb what he had just been told. He felt sick the thought of losing his mother was too overwhelming. His mother had been the only one who loved him even through her episodes; she had been the only one to stick with him even if he was slightly weird. After realizing he hadn't spoke for a while he eventually found his voice.

"Thank you doctor I'll get there as soon as I can." Reid croaked his voice cracking slightly.

Shaking a little he made his way back to his seat, tremendously fighting the urge to break down in a ball and let out all of the tears which were threatening to fall.

After sitting down he decided to get out his book to distract himself from what he just heard, in fact he was doing very well until Morgan felt he needed to speak.

"Very funny pretty boy. I get it your trying to fool me. Pretending you got a phone call saying someone died or something. But you're not going to fool me see I'm one step ahead." Morgan said chuckling waiting for Reid's look of defeat.

"Morgan!" Hotch growled knowing that reid wasn't kidding and Morgan had taken it a step to far.

"Come on hotch we all know it's part of Reid's act they've been at this prank war for a whole week know." Said Emily laughing and Rossi and JJ nodded in agreement waiting for reid to finally give it up.

"Who's died then?" Morgan chuckled.

"Uh um" reid stuttered shocked at his team mates reaction. He didn't know what to do he didn't want to tell anyone about his mum yet he was extremely close to breaking.

"Come on reid you can drop the act." Said Emily.

"Enough." Hotch bellowed and that's when everyone realized reid wasn't joking. Reid realizing they knew quickly jumped up and dashed to the toilet. He quickly locked the door and sobbed violently.


	2. Chapter 2: facing the inevitable

**Thank you so much for everyone's comments and reviews. Like I said this is my first fanfiction and I was really nervous but everyone's been so nice. I will try to update as soon as possible! Hope you enjoy!**

"Reid?" Came JJ's gentle voice through the door, "Please we just want to know your alright and listen we are so sorry we had no idea what that phone call was about and had no right to just assume it was part of a prank. What kind of friend am I if I can't even notice that one of my best friends is upset".  
Reid listened to JJ behind the door. He was curled up in a tight ball in the toilet of the jet. Spencer had finally calmed down after about half an hour of violently sobbing and the whole time JJ had been standing outside the door trying to comfort him. Rossi, Emily and especially Morgan just sat overwhelmed with guilt. They knew that anything they said to comfort Reid wouldn't do any good so thought it was best to leave JJ to deal with him. Reid finally stood up and composed himself. After rinsing his face and trying his best to hide his bloodshot eyes he finally opened the door knowing he would have to face the inevitable soon enough.  
"Spence" JJ breathed taking in his appearance. He looked a wreck and she was determined to find out what the phone call was exactly about; even though she had an idea, "Come here". She said softly and pulled him into a hug. Spencer let JJ hug him and tried to fight the tears which started welling up in his eyes again.  
"Sit down Spence and talk to us we are all listening and we are so sorry for not believing you." JJ said. She took hold of his hand and in time managed to coax Reid out of the kitchen area. Reid walked with his head down and sat next to JJ.  
"Listen Reid, I understand that the phone call you just received was a hard and very emotional one. You don't need to tell us what it was about if you don't want to but just tell us anything you need and we can do it for you." Came Hotch's stern yet sympathizing voice out of nowhere. Reid still looked down and his hands. He desperately wanted to tell his team, about the phone call but he was so afraid he was going to break down again. After battling with himself for a minute Reid decided the only way he was going to accept the situation was to speak about it. He looked up for the first time and saw Morgan giving a very apologetic look along with Rossi and Prentiss. Although he felt white hot anger lick his insides when he thought about what they just did to him, spencer didn't have the energy to stay angry at them and they had no idea what was going on anyway so he couldn't really stay angry at them as he knew he would probably do the same thing if it was Morgan. He finally decided to find his voice and tell everyone what was going on.  
"Uh well um, I answered the phone and it was my mums doctor and at first I thought she was just having an episode b-but he then told me she-she um had an accident." Spencer croaked out realizing his whole team where taking in each word he said.  
"If you can't do this you really don't have to Reid" Rossi finally spoke after noticing how upset it was making Spencer.  
"It's fine I want to" Reid said in a whisper as his voice seemed to of failed him, "anyway um my mum was having an episode and she somehow got a knife. I don't really know the details but she um stabbed her self and now is in intensive care fighting for her life." Reid couldn't stop the rain from falling, what was just a few silent drops turned into a downpour.  
"Oh Reid, come here." Emily said and hugged him whilst he sobbed into her like a crying infant after they've just grazed their knee.  
"Reid this jet is going straight to Vegas okay. Once there pick someone to go visit your mum with you and we will sort everything else out okay? We are here for you Reid." Hotch said and all the team members nodded in unison. Reid just made a sound to show he understood. After the jet turned around and headed for Vegas Reid carried on sobbing in Emily's arms. The team tried there best to comfort him but it was no use. Eventually Reid fell into a dreamless sleep from exhaustion. The rest of the team remained silent for the rest of the journey absorbing the chain of events which had just happened and also thinking of a way to fix their broken genius. Everyone knew how much Reid's mum meant to him and they all knew how distraught he'd be if anything were to happen.


	3. Chapter 3: pulling yourself together

**A.N hey everyone quick thanks for all the view and comments:)**

Chapter 3: pulling youself together.

Reid awoke to a gentle hand nudging him. The memories of the last couple of hours came flooding back to him. His mum had an accident and wasn't in a good way. He was on his way to visit her. He knew she was sick. Really sick. Dying. Reid's eyes darted open and his team stared at him.

"Reid are you alright?" JJ asked softly. Reid just nodded not to sure if he was ready to talk.

"We are nearly there" Emily said, "Is there anything we can do for you". Reid just shook his head and stood up.

"Bathroom". Was the only word he managed to croak out. His team gave him a concerned stare but no one had the heart to stop him. When Reid got to the toilet he quickly locked the door and stared at himself in the mirror. He was a mess. His hair was knotty and his eyes had red and purple bags under them. His actual eyes were still bloodshot from his earlier breakdown. Reid knew he had to stop feeling sorry for himself and get a grip.

_'What_ _are_ _you doing. What if mum wakes up and sees you like this. You need to stop being weak and compose yourself. You can't keep breaking down like this your team are going to think you're a weak baby who's not capable of doing anything._' He thought angrily to himself. Reid opened the door and walked confidently to his seat.

"You ready?" Asked Hotch.

"Yes" Reid answered this time his voice not failing him.

"Have you considered who you want to come with you to the hospital?" Hotch asked, slightly pleased that Reid had composed himself.

"JJ, if that's alright?" Reid replied.

"Of course it is Reid and just to let you know that I'm always going to be here for you." JJ replied, happy at the thought of him trusting her but also afraid of what they would have to face when they arrived at the hospital.

" , I trust?" Said the doctor standing before Reid and JJ. "I'm , I'm your mothers consult."

"Hello doctor how is she?" Reid asked quickly. This was the first time he had spoken since leaving the jet and his voice quavered when he spoke.

"During your mothers episode she managed to accumulate a kitchen knife. She stabbed herself three times. Once in her arm just avoiding her wrists, another in the abdomen however she avoided all major organs. It was however the final wound which seemed to cause the most damage. The knife managed to cut right through her kidney causing it to heavily bleed internally. By the time your mother came to us she lot a lot of blood and we nearly lost her twice in the surgery. She's had a transfusion to replace the blood and we removed the kidney, but she's weak. The odds she will recover are strong but her body's not in great shape so the recovery will take long". The doctor summed up.

Reid absorb each word the doctor said. Shivers ran through him when the doctor told him about each stab wound and his stomach dropped when he heard that they nearly lost her twice. But the fact that she was going to recover was all he needed to hear and a ray of hope washed over him.

"Can I see her?" He asked hesitantly.

"Of course but you have to understand she's unconscious at the moment and might be for a while." cautioned him. Reid nodded to show that he understood.

"I'll wait out here for you okay spence? Take all the time you need." JJ spoke reassuringly. Reid nodded and followed the doctor to see his mum.

"Hey hotch it's JJ. She's going to be okay." JJ said not even trying to hide the relief and joy in her voice.

**A.N- hey everyone thank you so so much for the nice reviews. You may think the story's done here but trust me there's a twist coming. I will try to update as soon as possible and I hope you enjoy reading this:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys thanks so much for all the views it really has made my day. I will update as soon as I can. Enjoy:)**

**chapter 4: turn in events**

Reid walked down the porcelain hospital hallway. He was nervous at the prospect of seeing his mother in the state she was in but he knew it needed to be done and besides he needed to see for himself that she was alright. The doctor stopped outside a door and opened it slowly . He knew his mother was in a bad shape yet nothing could of prepared him for what he saw. The last time he had seen his mother she was lucid and they had spent the majority of his visit reading to each other. It had also happened to be very sunny that weekend as well so Reid and his mother spent most of their time in the sanatarium garden. Here he would watch his mum read to him whilst the sun would radiate her skin and the wind would blow gently through her hair. However the sight before his eyes was nothing like that at all. His mother was extremely pale and had many wires and needles coming out of her in all directions. There was certainly no sun glowing on her skin and no wind gently caressing her hair.

"You can take as long as you need." Dr. Chapman said kindly. As Reid heard the door click behind him he knew he was finally alone. It could now just be him and his mother and there were many things Reid felt he needed to get off his chest.

"Hey mum um it's me spencer. I know I haven't come to visit you in a while and I am truly sorry, I do know how much my visits help you. You see here's the thing the reason I only write to you is because I'm s-scared. I'm scared because I hate it when you go through an episode and get so confused and scared you don't know who to trust and you feel so alone. So I guess not visiting you makes me feel less guilty that you have to go through so much and there is nothing I can do about it." The tears began to slowly trickle down Reid's face but he had no intention in stopping them. It was just him and his mum and he felt a weight come off his shoulders when he spoke about how he felt.

"Mum you've well always been there for me even if I am a bit weird. Not once did you leave me though, not even when dad left and for that I am forever great-full. But I want to return the favor to you mum. I may not be able to find a cure for schizophrenia but I promise I will get you better. I promise I will spend each day sitting by your bed until you walk out of this hospital. I will spend everyday you recover with you because you never abandoned me and I will never abandon you again. In fact once you are out of here we will arrange one day each month for me to visit. Because I know I should visit you more mum and tell you that I love you." Reid said making a promise to himself that he was going to be there for his mum as much as he possibly could. Reid spent the rest of the time talking about past memories with his mum. He felt a warm sense of nostalgia go through him as he reminisced them all. Eventually Reid fell into a peaceful sleep by his mothers side.

Reid was awoken by moans. He quickly looked up and his heart dropped when he saw his mums face scrunched up in pain and her hands desperately grabbing for her chest. Her heart rate was dangerously decreasing and Reid stood still for a millisecond before finding his voice. He quickly screamed for help. He wasn't prepared to loose her not after his promise. However just before the nurses and doctors came darting into the room his mothers eyes rolled back into her head and she turned dangerously white. The heart monitor flatlined as Reid's heart broke into a thousand pieces. That's when he realized his promise was broken.

"I love you." He croaked before being pushed away by doctors and nurses.


	5. Chapter 5: leaving

**AN- just a quick thank you for all the reviews and views everyone's been so nice pond I hope you enjoy reading this.**

**chapter 5: leaving.**

Reid was standing in the hallway of the hospital. Not quite sure how he got there. His mind was reeling with the events which occurred in the last 24 hours. He was on the jet. He got a phone call. His mum was sick. He was worried she was not going to make it. He came to the hospital. The doctor told her she was going to be alright. He went to visit her and made her a promise. He broke that promise. She was just behind the door in front of him fighting for her life. It was when he came to the final realization, that his knees buckled and he fell to the floor. His stomach was aching with emotion and he was violently shaking. He simply couldn't loose her not after everything they'd been through. A sudden thought hit him. He was all alone not only did he not have a father to help him through this he didn't have his team. JJ had probably gone back to the hotel after he fell asleep and now he was left here all alone to face his darkest nightmare. A mix between panic, grief and confusion flooded through him. Spencer started to breath heavily and felt sick.

"Spence." Came a gentle voice from behind him. It was the voice he had needed to hear and was overwhelmed by the fact that she stayed.

"JJ." Reid cried. JJ saw how distraught her best friend was and gently helped him up to his feet then pulled him into a tight embrace. Reid didn't hesitate, right now all he wanted was for someone to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay.

"Y-you stayeddd." Said Reid's voice cracking.

"Of course I did. I would never leave you. I couldn't sleep so went to get a coffee when a nurse came and found me and told me what happened. I'm so sorry spence. I called the team straight away and they are on their way over. I just figured you didn't really want to be alone." JJ said soothingly as she gently made circles on Reid's back.

Reid wasn't to sure how to react to this. He was so grateful she stayed yet he felt slight anger that she hadn't consulted with him whether he wanted to call the team or not. But he was to unstable to voice these thoughts so instead just buried his face into JJ's body. Thoughts raced through Reid's mind, statistics on his mothers condition, memories and what to do if the worst were to happen.

"Reid." Came a stern yet sympathetic voice which made Reid loose his train of thought. He looked up from JJ and saw that the rest of the team were there, even Garcia. Morgan must of called her, he thought to himself.

"My junior G-man! I've been so worried about you, are you holding up alright?" Garcia asked quickly before grabbing him into a rib crunching hug.

"Let the man breath Garcia." Came Morgan's voice. He was still guilt ridden about not believing Reid and felt he should leave some distance between the two of them. Garcia instantly let go of Reid about to apologize when the doctor walked out.

"How is she?" Reid shouted at him. Not meaning to be so rude but he needed to know. However he was nervous about what the doctor had to say. Doctor Chapman obviously tried to hide all of his current emotions however that didn't stop him looking distraught.

"Would you like to follow me and we can discuss this somewhere a bit more private?" The doctor asked gently.

"No here's fine just tell me she's alright." Reid begged. The desperate plea in his eyes was breaking the teams heart.

"I'm so sorry doctor."

"No no no." Reid interrupted angrily.

"Reid I know this is hard but just listen to him okay? We are all here for you." Emily said gently noting how distraught Reid was becoming.

"We tried are best to revive her doctor. Sometimes after the heart goes through so much strain and damage it has one massive spasm that the damage is just not tried doctor. But she's gone." Dr. Chapman breathed.

Reid stood frozen. He felt the little color in his face drain. He wanted to be alone so he could scream and shout and let out all his anger. He wanted to curl up in a ball and cry his eyes out. He wanted his mum. But he knew that wasn't going to happen. Without thinking he turned on his heels and ran. Not sure where he was going but anywhere was better than where he was.

The team stared at Reid waiting for him to react to some of the worst news a person could possibly be delivered. They were certain he'd either curl up in a ball and sob like he'd sobbed on the jet or get angry and start denying what had happened. However when he stood there frozen they knew the news hadn't quite sunk in. But what the team were most defiantly not prepared for was when their young genius turned around and darted out of the hospital. The team knew not to follow him for a while as they knew he would need his space and time to let everything sink in. He needed to know that they were going to be there for him. He needed to know his mum was gone and wasn't going to come back. But above all he needed to know that although she was gone he wasn't alone.

**Another quick note I am sorry for killing Diana. I do like her but I just wanted to capture how reid copes with grief. I will try to update really soon. Thank you:)**


	6. Chapter 6: Remebering

**Hey guys so sorry I didn't update sooner! Thanks again for all the reviews and views. I hope you enjoy!:)**

Chapter 6: remembering

Reid felt the cold nighttime air run through him. He'd been here so many times he didn't even have to think where he was going even though it was dark.

_She couldn't be dead?How could this of happened? Why is it that the only person who I can rely on not to leave me, goes?_ These were the many thoughts which raced through Reid's mind. He felt angry that his mum left him. He felt sad that he would never see her. He felt guilty that he didn't help her out enough but most of all he felt grief. Grief lined his insides making him feel sick to his stomach. Every time he thought of his mum he tried his hardest to think of the happy memories they shared together. However his mind wouldn't let him, instead it showed him his darkest memories of her. How she tried to kill him in an episode. How he was left to clear up the broken glass after she tried to throw various objects at him. How he came home from being tied to a goalpost naked whilst the whole school laughed at him and just wanting to cry into his mothers arms but she was having an episode so she didn't even realize he was gone. How he sent her to the sanatarium because his lifestyle was just to unhealthy to carry on. It was these thoughts which caused the tears to fall gently down his face, but he brushed them away quickly. He promised he was going to be strong partly for himself but partly for her. He finally made his way to the place he'd been looking for. In front of him where the chess tables his mother and him had gone to when he was a kid. He'd been to this park many times before. Sometimes it was a place of happiness like when he and his mother came to read together. Sometimes it was a place to escape during his mothers episodes and sometimes it was just a place to be himself. As he sat down at one of the chess boards he felt a pang in his stomach and his chest tightened. He desperately wanted his mum but he knew she wasn't coming. That's when it started to sink in.

Meanwhile the team where still gathered at the hospital. Hotch was talking to the doctor demanding what went wrong whilst the others just stood in silence.

"Someone should go after him." JJ spoke up.

"I agree he's just lost his mother who knows what he's going to do". Replied Emily.

"Yeah I mean we've given him time to cool off but you can't just expect us to sit here and wait for him to be rushed into hospital needing his stomach pumped or because he's had a drug overdose". Morgan said a bit to fiercely and instantly regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Morgan!" Garcia cried. Out of everyone she was the most distraught.

"He's got a point", Rossi said, "Listen, me and Morgan will go look for him. JJ you've already done enough for him today and Emily you have to. It's time me and Morgan to be there for him and show him that we're sorry. Right now he needs his friends." Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Does anyone have any idea where he might of gone?" Morgan asked.

"I've been tracking his cell but so far nothing." Garcia said disheartened.

"If you were Reid where would you go?" Emily said.

"Library?" Garcia asked.

"Too late for any of them to be open. Where's a place which is also open to the public yet he can have his space to be alone?" Rossi replied

"A park." JJ answered.

"Garcia what's the nearest park?" Morgan said quickly.

"That would be Rainstone park. It's a ten minute walk and I've sent the directions to your phones along with a map of the park. It's quite big so it might take a while to find him." Garcia said after quickly typing into her laptop.

"Thanks Garcia." Rossi said as he and Morgan turned to leave.

"Just bring him back." JJ said. Both men nodded as they left in pursuit of their young genius.

Both men studied the map on their phone seeing if anything stuck out to where Reid would be.

"What's that there?" Morgan asked.

"Their chess boards I think." Rossi replied.

"I think we should definitely start there then." Morgan said forcing a laugh. The two men quickly walked over to the park, knowing it would be easier to walk than taking the SUV.

"What if he's not there Rossi. What if he's in some side alley choking on his own sick!" Morgan cried worriedly.

"We can't think like that. We are going to find him and give him the support he needs. Is that understood." Rossi said fiercely. Morgan just nodded still not convinced. The men carried on walking in silence. Finally they reached a clearing. Relief flooded them as the saw a dark figure hunched over one of the chest boards. Rossi deliberately made himself heard making the dark figure jump up in fright. They couldn't see the figure clearly but they could tell it was a man, they were tall and lanky with scruffy hair; it was definitely Reid.

Reid heard footsteps near him. He jumped up quickly and saw two figures coming towards him. He didn't panic he knew who they were. He would of bolted in the opposite direction but he felt to emotionally and physically exhausted. The figures became clearer. It was Rossi and Morgan. When they came to the chess table they didn't speak, instead they sat there in silence.

"What are you doing here?" Reid croaked, finally breaking the silence.

"You know for a genius you sure do ask dumb questions." Rossi replied lightly.

"I don't need your help. I just want to be alone. Please just leave." Reid pleaded. His tone along with the sadness in his eyes hurt Morgan and Rossi but they couldn't show it, they had to be strong for Reid.

"You know that's not going to happen kid." Morgan said. Reid felt his anger rise.

"Why are you even here Morgan." Reid said his voice rising. If he was going to say how he felt now was the perfect opportunity. "How do you know that I'm not kidding. Maybe my mums not dead and maybe this is just part of some stupid prank war. Maybe she'll jump out of the trees laughing then tell me how stupid I looked when I thought that the only person who has stood by me no matter what was dead."

"Reid listen I'm sorry about earlier and your right maybe I should go." Morgan said standing up. Reid wanted Morgan to leave but he couldn't bear another person leaving him.

"Stay." He whispered. Morgan was confused at his sudden change in mood but sat back down not questioning him.

"I just feel so alone. She's not coming back ever is she." Reid's voice was barely audible.

"Reid your not alone, you've got us and trust me we will be here whenever you need us. Your mother may be gone but she we always be with you. Never forget that and never forget the happy memories you've got with her." Rossi said softly.

"I know I've got you but I'm scared I'll forget. Every time I think of her I just think of the bad memories. When she's having an episode or tries to kill me because she doesn't even know I'm her son." Reid said his voice full of pain.

"Reid you of all people aren't going to forget. What's that memory you've got?" Rossi asked even though he secretly knew the answer.

"Eidetic." Reid replied quickly not seeing how this was relevant.

"What does that mean exactly?" Rossi asked.

"It means that I have the ability to remember things a lot better than others, I also can remember nearly everything I've heard." Reid said in monotone.

"Well don't you see you are blessed with a gift Reid. You have the ability to remember every nice thing your mums ever said about you. Now if you ask me I think that's a blessing I would give anything to remember everything Caroline said to me." Rossi said gently.

"Same I'd give anything to remember everything my dad said to me." Morgan said quietly. This surprised Rossi as the whole time he knew Morgan he rarely discussed his father.

"I know." Reid croaked. The dam holding back his tears was on the verge of breaking. Suddenly all the happy memories he shared and cherished with his mother came flooding back to him. He felt a rush of warmth run through his body but this was quickly replaced with grief. Not caring where he was or the fact that two of his friends were right in front of him he let the dam break. The water flowed at first in trickles but then in floods and it would take a while for it to stop.


	7. Chapter 7: letting it all out

**Hey everyone, just a quick chapter on Spencer's return to the hospital. Enjoy:)**

Rossi and Morgan watched their young genius. Instead of screaming and sobbing the young agent just sat there, letting the silent tears fall. These were the most painful type of tears and they both knew he was hurting a lot. Morgan just couldn't sit there and watch, feeling so helpless. He quickly got up and pulled Reid up into a tight hug. Morgan wasn't usually the hugging type but he couldn't just let Reid suffer. Reid buried his face into Morgan's chest. As hard as he tried he just couldn't stop the tears from falling. His whole body was shaking and he felt sick.  
"I'm sorry." He spluttered out.  
"Shhh shh, Reid there is no reason to be sorry." Morgan said soothingly.  
Reid just stayed like this for a good half an hour. After he felt he had composed himself enough to leave Morgan's arms he sat back down at the chess board.  
"I think we should head back to the hospital Reid." Rossi suggested. Reid just nodded unsure if he had the ability to talk yet.  
"There's something else I think you need to do though Reid." Morgan said gently. Reid knew instantly that he was not going to like this.  
"What is it?" He sniffled, although he was calmer the tears weren't completely gone.  
"We think you need to call you father." Rossi said slowly. Reid instantly started to argue but Rossi hushed him. "I know you don't think he has any right to be near your mother Reid. But you've got to remember that he loved her. You don't have to call him now but I think it needs to be done. You don't even have to call him we can do that if you want." Rossi said reassuringly.  
"Okay but I don't want to ever speak to that man ever again." Reid said in an oddly calm manner.  
"That's fine and you don't have to. Would you like me to call him when we get back to the hospital?" Rossi asked. Reid just nodded.  
"I think it's time we got you back. I think we should get you to the hotel room too. No offense pretty boy but you look like you could do with some sleep." Morgan said trying to lighten up he atmosphere. Again Reid just nodded. The walk back to the hospital was silent. When they finally arrived Reid felt the urge to run again. The thought of facing everyone was overwhelming and he just wanted to sleep. He carried on walking though, knowing that he had to face the team sooner of later.

The team turned around in shock. Rossi and Morgan were walking towards them with Reid. Or what was left of the young man. He looked broken. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen from the tears, his hair was matted with sweat and he was ghostly white.  
"Spence!" JJ cried and ran towards him, hugging him violently. Reid would usually accept a hug, especially from JJ. However he knew if he let himself be surrounded by the warmth radiating off of her he would break down again.  
JJ was slightly taken a back when spencer pushed her away but knew she shouldn't take it to heart.  
"You don't look so good spence. Do you wanted me to take you back to the hotel?" She asked kindly completely pretending he hadn't just pushed her away. Spencer didn't feel so good. It dawned on him that this was the same building his mother had died in. In fact just behind the door in front of him was where she took her last breath. Sadness, anger and grief washed in his stomach all at once. Quickly he bolted towards the men's room as he felt bile rise in his throat. When he got to the bathroom he only made it to the cubicle just in time when he threw up the contents of his stomach. Which wasn't a great deal seeing as he hadn't found the time to eat after everything which went on. Part of him was wishing he could just throw up all the grief and sadness he felt. But he knew that even that wouldn't help the pain he was feeling.


	8. Chapter 8: just a dream

**Hey guys sorry I didn't update yesterday I got my iPad taken away from me:( thanks so much for the reviews and views and I hope you enjoy:)**

**chapter 8: it was just a dream.**

"Spencer?" Came a light knock from the door of the cubicle he was in. Spencer lay on the floor of the cubicle feeling exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep and forget the last 24 hours, but he knew he had to get up of the floor and pull him self together. He promised himself that he would wait till he was in the safety of the hotel room until he started loosing it again. Slowly he lifted himself up. His head was pounding and he felt awful. He unlocked the door and was instantly greeted by the worried faces of Hotch, Rossi and Morgan.

"Where did that come from?" Questioned Morgan. Confused by Reid's sudden run to the bathroom.

"Are you alright?" Asked Hotch.

"Just take your time." Reassured Rossi. Spencer felt overwhelmed and just nodded. He walked over to the sinks and washed his face, not bothering to look at his appearance; he didn't need reminding about how awful he felt and looked.

"I'm sorry it won't happen again." He croaked out.

"Reid there is nothing for you to be sorry for its fine, okay. We were just worried about you. Now your probably exhausted so one of us will take you back to the hotel whilst the rest of us need to sort a few things out." Hotch said gently.

"Thank you." Reid whispered.

"Right come on pretty boy, I've been nominated to drive you back. You ready?" Morgan asked lightly trying desperately to at least get a smile out of Reid.

Meanwhile Reid thought about Morgan's question. Was he ready. Was he ready to leave his mothers body behind and finally let her go. Was he ready to be on his own and face a retonight ignite sleep. Was he ready to face the pitying looks from his team when he let the bathroom. Was he ready to move on a bit.

"Yes." Reid replied. Even if he didn't want to let go of his mother he knew he had to and with that he followed Morgan out of the bathroom. Just as he had expected he was greeted by many pitying looks and many questions asking 'if he was alright', and 'how he was holding up' to which he just nodded. The drive to the hotel was silent. Reid didn't have the energy to talk with Morgan about his feelings so just sat there blankly only nodding when he had to. Morgan on the other hand was trying his hardest to get the young agent to open up a little. He knew first hand that if you kept your emotions bottled up they always found a way to get out and when that happened things got messy. When they finally pulled up to the hotel both agents were secretly relieved.

"You've got your own room you know pretty boy. You should consider yourself lucky I have to share with my baby girl and as much as I love her she is a little crazy." Morgan said forcing a chuckle and feeling slightly disheartened when he got no response from Reid.

"Well this is you." Morgan said opening the door to Reid's spacious hotel room. Garcia had already been in and sorted out his stuff for him which he was grateful for.

"I let you get some rest okay? If you need anything and I mean anything at all I'm just in the room next door." Morgan sad sincerely. Reid was grateful for this to and knew Morgan only had the best intentions.

"Thank you Morgan."Reid managed to get out.

"Anytime." Morgan said with a smile happy his genius was talking. Morgan left the room and left Reid to get some rest. After Reid heard the door click he jumped into his bed fully clothed amd welcomed the darkness which overcame him quickly.

_Reid was walking down The corridor of his mothers sanitarium. It had been a hard day and he just wanted to see his mum. However when he got to her room he was welcomed by a strong ghastly smell._

_"Mum." He called out wondering where see was. He walked into her room only to realize the smell was getting worse. He ended up holding his breath to prevent himself from throwing up. It was then he saw it. Lying in his mums bed was a rotting dead body. Not any old body but his mums. He instantly started crying trying to work out what had happend. When it came to life._

_"This is all your fault spencer." Screamed the rotten corspe Diana._

_"I'm so sorry mum." Said spencer who was violently sobbing and screaming. _

_"I've never been proud of you. I mean who could be. You are given a gift yet don't achieve anything with it. Your useless and I've never loved you." She screamed._

_"I'm so sorry mum." Spencer said. Each word had stung him badly._

_"Sorry won't make up for all the times you never visited because you we're ashamed. But that doesn't matter now because I'm dead and I'm never going to come back ever again." She spoke her voice full of venom. Just like that she disappeared. Spencer sat there screaming for her to come back._

__Spencer awoke screaming with a mixture of tears and sweat rolling down his face. In front of him was Hotch who was holding him down, obviously restraining him and trying to wake him up. It was just a dream spencer thought over and over to himself. But if it was just a dream then why was he feeling so much pain, he thought again. Tears started streaming down his face and Hotch instantly hugged him fatherly.

"It was just a dream." Hotch said calmly. "Just a dream."


	9. Chapter 9: some things never change

**hey guys, sorry I didn't update yesterday I've been really busy with exams. Thanks for all the reviews they really mean a lot. I hope you enjoy.**

**chapter 9: some things never change.**

Spencer Reid woke up suddenly. At first he'd forgotten where he was and was met by a sudden blind panic. However after sorting through his thoughts, the events of the last 24 hours hit him, they hit him hard. Knowing that he needed to stop breaking down the whole time he decided to get up and go for a walk to clear his head a little. He looked over to the clock by his bedside table which read 5:45. This was good as it meant spencer could take as long as he wanted to sort through his feeling and the team wouldn't even realize that he was gone. Sitting up in his bed spencer looked around him. To his surprise he saw a sleeping lump on the sofa in his hotel room. It was Hotch. That's when he remembered the dream and all the grief, disappointment and shame he felt began to rise up. Spencer, having enough of constantly feeling sad, instantly pushed these feelings back down and got out of bed. Careful not to wake Hotch he quietly went to the bathroom and changed out of the clothes he hadn't bothered taking off last night. He shoved on the first thing he could find not really caring what he looked liked, grabbed his coat and left.

Spencer walked for about half an hour around the streets not going anywhere in particular. Thoughts raced through his mind. He thought about his mum. He wondered if she would be ashamed of him. He thought about how much she had hated him in his dream. He also thought about all the plans he was going to have to make, sorting through her stuff, arranging the funeral and telling people. This last thing was probably the hardest out of all of them. Although his mother didn't really have many friends she did have a few people who cared about her. Having to tell people meant having to recall what happened and he wasn't quite sure if he was ready for that. Then he remembered about his dad. As much as he hated him he was willing to come to some kind of agreement as he couldn't bare to loose another parent. Spencer desperately hoped that Rossi had already called him like he said he would as he didn't think he could bring himself to break the news.

After meandering endlessly for another half an hour spencer found himself at the park he had been to the previous night. Deciding that the team wouldn't probably be up yet he decided to re-visit the chess tables. When he arrived he felt a huge sense of relief as no one was around. Spencer seeing no harm in wasting more time decided to play against himself, just like he did when he was practicing to beat Gideon.

Meanwhile, Hotch woke up aching all over, remembering he was on the young agents sofa he quickly got up. He was greeted with a sudden wave of panic when he saw that Reid's bed was empty. He checked in the bathroom and when he wasn't anywhere to be found he quickly decided to get dressed and search for him around the hotel. Hundreds of scenarios ran through Hotch's head at once as he thought of all the dangerous situations Reid could of got himself into.

_What if hes done something stupid. How could I be so oblivious to the fact that he's upset and not thinking straight. It was probably the dream what did it. How could I not realize the state he was in after he woke up. Now it's all my fault if we find him in an alley passed out due to drugs and alcohol. Or even worse what if he turns back to dilaudid, no he can't he's been clean for years._

These were the many thoughts which ran through agent Hotchner brain as he quickly got changed and went to search for the young genius.

Spencer felt a lot better after he channelled some of his thoughts in the long chess game he had just played against himself. Glancing at his watch he realized he'd been gone for two hours and his team were probably up now and extremely worried about him. Spencer reached in his pocket to get his cell phone to call ahead saying he was alright, when he realized that he'd forgotten it. He quickly jumped up heading to the hotel knowing that his team were defiantly panicking and had probably already sent out a search party for him. Grateful he had his eidetic memory he quickly made his way back to the hotel. Grabbing a quick coup of coffee on the way. As much he was in a rush he hadn't had a cup in the last 24 hours and he felt that he had deserved it.

The team stood in the hotel lobby, frantic. Hotch had alerted them that Reid had gone missing and everyone was desperate for him to be all right. The hotel doors slid open and Reid wasn't entirely shocked to see his team gathered there all looking distressed.

"Hey." Came Reid's familiar voice and the entire team turned around at once.

"Where the hell have you been." Screamed Garcia.

"I'm sorry I went for a walk and forgot my cell."

"You bet your sorry." Said Derek angrily.

"Listen all that matters is that he's alright. Next time he decides to take an early morning stroll he will remember his cell phone or at least leave a note to say where he's going. Isn't that right reid." Hotch stated just relieved that Reid was alright.

"Yeah I'm sorry." Reid said guiltily.

"Its fine spence, with everything what's gone on I don't blame you for getting some air." Said JJ softly.

"I see that some things don't change though." Rossi said grinning pointing at the coffee cup in Spencer's hand.

"Seriously reid." Emily laughed. The rest of the team joined in glad to see that spencer was slowly picking himself up. Suprisingly spencer smiled. Everyone acknowledged this and were overwhelmed to see him smile again.


	10. Chapter 10: lunch and coffee

**Hey guys sorry I didn't update sooner I've been really busy. I'm going away over the weekend and there won't be any wi-fi so I probably won't be able to update till Monday:( but I hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks again for all the reviews and views. I hope your enjoy:)**

Chapter 10: Lunch and coffee.

That day Spencer Reid felt better. Not completely fixed but better. Throughout the day he managed to sit down with Hotch and have a serious conversation about arrangements for his mothers funeral. As much as it hurt discussing this, he felt proud that he managed to get through the whole conversation without breaking down or running away. But that didn't stop him from still feeling sad. When it got to lunch spencer retreated to his room hoping he could just spend some time to himself letting out how he really felt. The tears he had been holding in all day were just about to fall when there was a knock on the door. Quickly composing himself and brushing them away, he went to answer it. To his surprise Emily stood before him.

"Alright Reid?" Emily asked casually.

"Oh hey Emily." Reid said, caught a bit off guard.

"So listen, I was really bored and Hungary and I was wondering if you wanted to get some lunch with me. I also thought he could have a quick game of chess just like the old days." Emily offered. Reid was very tempted to go with her. He really hated moping and didn't mind getting his mind off things.

"Um, I'm not to sure Emily."

"Oh come on Reid your just scared I'm going to beat you again. Also just think Lunch with me means another coffee for you." Emily joked knowing that Reid would never turn down a good coffee.

"Fine! But I'll let you know my chess skills have improved greatly since Gideon left." Reid said with a tiny smile which was enough to please Emily.

"I knew the coffee would do it." Emily joked.

Reid quickly grabbed his coat and wallet and left with Emily. They walked down to the cafe in a comfortable silence. Once they arrived at the cafe Reid was instantly happy at Emily's choice. Not only was it not to busy, it had a relaxing atmosphere. But best of all they sold extra large cups of coffee. Once they ordered they decided to take the table in the corner.

"Thank you Emily." Reid said.

"For what?" Emily asked a bit taken a back.

"For just being you. Everyone's been as ting a bit weird around me. Like this morning they all thought I'd lost it and done something stupid. I just feel like everyone's treating me different." Reid said feeling a weight come off his shoulders, telling Emily how he really felt.

"Oh Reid, their just worried about you." Emily said softly.

"I know but their all being overly nice. I mean Morgan hasn't said his daily insult to me and JJ and Garcia keep talking to me like a child. It's like their afraid I'm going to break down if they say the slightest thing. That's why I'm thanking you because your just being yourself."

"Your welcome Reid, I don't really know how to be anyone else. As for Morgan and the girls, I can have a word with them if you want?" Emily suggested.

"It's fine. Maybe I should use this time to get back at Morgan." Reid joked. Emily laughed she was just so happy to see Reid perking up a bit. They carried on talking whilst they ate. Emily purposely didn't bring up Reid's mum because she didn't want to ruin the progress he was making. However there conversation was quickly put to a pause when Emily's phone buzzed.

"It's Hotch, I wonder what he wants?" Emily thought out loud. "Hello." she answered.

"Where are you? Is Reid with you?" Hotch said cutting to the chase.

"He's with me and we decided to go out for some lunch." Emily answered slightly confused why Hotch was so worried.

"We've been looking all over for you two. We were worried Reid ran off." Hotch said sternly

"We're fine Hotch." Emily replied, seeing why Reid was getting annoyed about the team babying him.

"Well we need you to get back to the hotel as soon as possible." Hotch stated.

"Okay, is there any particular reason?" Emily asked.

"It will make sense when you get here." Hotch said and hung up.

"Okay that was weird." Emily said confused.

"He thought I'd done a runner didn't he. No one trusts me, I'm not a baby." Reid said. The little happiness he felt had clearly gone.

"Reid I know that, and I think there's another reason Hotch wants us back. He wouldn't tell me over the phone but something's definitely up." Emily's said, annoyed that Hotch had put Reid in a bad mood.

"We better get going. Would you like me to get you another cup of coffee to take out? Emily asked trying to cheer Reid up. It worked a bit as Reid nodded.

"Are you trying to get me bouncing off the walls?" Reid joked. Emily laughed, happy he was being himself again.

The whole walk back to the hotel Reid and Emily joked about. Reid even forgot all the grief he was feeling and was just happy to be himself again. But this didn't last. When they made it into the hotel the team were gathered in the lobby again.

"We're back!" Emily announced loudly. The team all turned around. But there was someone else with them. Emily recognized them but couldn't quite remember where from.

"Dad." Reid breathed all the color and happiness draining from him.


	11. Chapter 11: statistic

**Hey guys I'm so so sorry I haven't updated in a while, I know how annoying it is. I smashed my iPad so I might not be able to update as quickly as I like to. Thank you again for all the views and reviews. I hope you enjoy:)**

**chapter 11: statistic **

"Spencer." William Reid replied. "Listen I so sorry about your mum. I want to be there for you, please just let me because I loved her to."

"Save it for someone who cares." Said reid, his voice full of venom and hatred. Without thinking he ran, ran to the stairs, heading towards his hotel room. His father was one of the last people he wanted to see let alone share his grief with. After slamming the door shut, spencer sunk to his knees. His body started violently shaking and he let out the tears he'd been holding in all day. A mix of pure hate and grief filled him and all he wanted most was his mother.

The team stood there in silence. Reid's reaction wasn't a surprise at all.

"Garcia would you care to take out to the coffee shop." Hotch finally spoke up, his voice full of authority.

"Yes sir." Garcia said, knowing not to argue. She quickly led out of the hotel, leaving the others to discuss freely.

"Who the hell invited him!" Emily cried once Garcia was out of sight."Do you know how much better he was doing"

"Emily you need to calm down." Hotch stated.

"Emily it was me who rang him." Rossi admitted. "Reid asked me to at the park yesterday, however I did not tell him to come to the hotel. How he knew where we were staying I'm still unsure of." Emily just nodded her anger had subsided but it was not completely gone.

"What are we going to do about Reid, I mean shouldn't one of us go after him?" Morgan suggested.

"I'll go." JJ offered quickly. She felt guilty because she felt that she wasn't there for him as much as she should of been.

"Fine, but don't push him to much." Warned Hotch. JJ quickly acknowledged her boss and turned in the direction of Reid's room. As she reached his door she contemplated what to say and how best to comfort her friend. She was about to retreat completely when she heard quiet sniffles coming from behind the door.

"Spence?" JJ knocked gently."Listen it's just me, I just want to know your okay. I'm sure you want answers to why your dads here, I know I would."

With that, JJ heard shuffling from inside the room. The door clicked open and JJ entered cautiously. Reid had done a good job controlling his anger as the only damage done was clothes and books thrown on the floor. Spencer however was a completely different story. His face was red and blotchy and his eyes were very bloodshot. He constantly sniffled trying to hide the fact he'd been crying.

"Spence, you okay?" It was a stupid question but JJ couldn't help but ask it. Spencer just nodded.

"Listen take a seat in the bed and I'll explain as much as I can." JJ said pointing towards his bed. Spencer sat down straight away, he just desperately wanted to know the reason why his father was here.

"I don't know if you remember but last night when Rossi and Morgan found you, they said that you needed to call your father. At first you didn't want to but Rossi said that he would do it for you and you agreed. Rossi called him last night after you left the hospital and he came down straight away because he wanted to say goodbye to your mum to. When he was done he asked how you were, everyone told him that you were fine because we all knew you didn't want to talk to him and he left soon after that." JJ spoke, reid just nodded to show that he understood or remembered. "Anyway, when you and Emily went out for lunch he just turned up at the hotel. We all asked what he was doing here but he said he was here to see you. He didn't answer how he knew we were staying here just that he wanted to see you." JJ finished.

"Well tell him I want nothing to do with him." Reid spoke up still sniffing. He felt slightly conflicted though, as much as he hated his father for leaving him and his mother, he didn't want to lose another parent.

"What's wrong spence, I know there's something else." JJ said motherly, she knew that something else was eating at him. Knowing that he couldn't hide much from JJ he decided to tell her how he really felt.

"It's just that as much as I hate him for what he's done, I really don't want to lose another parent." His voice cracked as he spoked and tears started to well up in his eyes.

"Ooh spence come here." JJ said bringing him into a hug. Reid fought desperately to contain the many tears he just wanted to let flow, but he had promised himself not to break down again.

"You do know that we are all your family spence. No matter what we will always be there for you. Just think about it, hotch is like the father stern but always caring about the welfare of us. Morgan's like the immature older brother who is constantly winding everyone up but he will always look out for his family. Emily's like the sister who is always there for you and will cheer you up no matter what, Garcia is like the crazy aunt absolutely nuts but we all love her. Rossi is like the grandfather, key to all knowledge but speaks sense into you when you need it the most. Don't you see spence, you've got us." JJ smiled.

This is when spencer realized that although he'd lost his mum it didn't mean he'd lost his only family. Out of nowhere his face felt very wet. He realized he was crying and heavily. He quickly dried his eyes hoping JJ hadn't seen him break.

"Sssh spence it's okay to cry you know." JJ said soothingly.

"It's not, I promised myself I wouldn't." Spencer spoke his voice barely audible.

"Oh don't be silly your as bad as Will. The other day one of the officers and him got into an argument. It got out of control and the officer ended up telling Will that he hoped that his dad rots in hell. Will punched him and got sent home for the day. Anyway he was really upset and trying to be a man he wouldn't cry, but you know what when he finally did he felt so much better." JJ said. Reid did feel better for crying but he knew that if he started he wouldn't be able to stop. But as hard as he tried to hold it in he couldn't and soon his whole body shock as he sobbed into JJ's arms.

JJ had been in Reid's room for an hour and hotch was beginning to worry. William Reid had already returned with Garcia and was determined to see his son. As hard as the team tried to stop him he wouldn't leave the lobby. Hotch decided he had waited long enough and made his way up to Reid's room telling the team to keep William Reid busy. When hotch reached Reid's hotel room he waited outside and listened to see if JJ needed his assistance.

"I'm sorry." Came Reid's voice from inside the room. He was sniffling a lot and his voice was weak.

"Don't worry about it. Do you feel better now." JJ replied. Hotch assumed he had nodded because she carried on. "Good, now lets get you cleaned up. You don't have to see your dad today."

"It's fine, I think I should get it over." Reid spoke his voice a bit more clearer. Hotch took this as his chance to knock.

"One second." Cried JJ. As she opened the door she was a little surprised to see Hoth of all people.

"I was just checking that everything was all right, you've been up here for an hour." Hotch stated.

"I'm so sorry, I must of lost track of time." JJ said apologetically. Hotch knew that Reid must of been bad if JJ had been comforting him all the time they'd been up here.

"Oh hey Hotch." Reid said awkwardly. His eyes were puffy and his voice sounded nasal from the crying he had done. "Um is my dad still down there?" Reid asked his eyes glazing over slightly. It hurt Hotch to see how upset reid was, but he knew he had to act strong for him.

"He won't leave as hard as we've tried." Hotch replied.

"That's good I think I should speak to him." Reid replied, he was still obviously upset but was trying his best to hide it.

"Well when your ready we can take the elevator down."

"I'd prefer to take the stairs, did you know there are 20-30 elevator fatalities per year. I'd rather not risk it." Reid said mechanically.

"Man I've missed your statistics." JJ joked, both her and hotch were happy that their young genius wasn't completely broken.


	12. Chapter 12: father figure

**Hey guys I hope you Tiny this chapter, I have to say I've really enjoyed writing this story and I'm so grateful for all the comments and views. Enjoy:)**

Chapter 12: father figure.

Hotch, spencer and William Reid sat round the hotels conference room table. Hotch had managed to hire the room so that the father and son could be in peace, however decided it would be best if he stayed with them in case anything got out of hand.

"You've cut your hair."William Reid said finally breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I guess I felt like a change."spencer replied bluntly.

"We'll I think it suits you." William said trying to get a conversation going.

"Thanks, but I had it this length when you left so I don't know why you see so much of a difference." Reid spat out. He was trying so hard to be civil to his father but this was proving extremely hard.

"Reid." Hotch warned, sensing how annoyed his young agent was becoming. "Now, I have run through the arrangements about the funeral with your father, he is happy with them but I think you should take this time to discuss any other issues about it."

"Yeah sure." Replied William, thankful that hotch had stepped in."I liked your choices for her funeral, you really knew what she would want."

"Yeah do you know why that is? It's because after you left me to deal with her on my own I guess I did have to get to know what she liked. Sometimes reading her favourite book was the only way to calm her down when she was having an episode!" Reid screamed, his temper was reaching boiling point and he was finding it incredibly hard to not completely explode.

"Reid!" Hotch intervened.

"Listen spencer I'm sorry. You knew why I left and if I could change it I would. I'm sorry you had to go through things children should never have to and I know that I will never be forgiven, but I just want us to stay civil." William said softly desperately trying to calm his son down.

"Your right you will never be forgiven for what you've done. I'm sorry I know your my father but I will never stop hating you for what you did to me, to us." Spencer said, his anger had reduced but it wasn't completely gone. William Reid on the other hand was getting angry, he was trying his hardest but his son just didn't seem to give a damn.

"You know what I'm trying my hardest to make this work but I feel like your not even trying." William said his voice rising. Hotch sensing that this would cause trouble got ready to hold spencer back.

"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU SAY IM NOT TRYING! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FORGIVE A COWARD LIKE YOU!" Spencer shouted completely losing it. Anger flicked in his eyes and red hot lava pumped throw him like an erupting volcano. At this point Hotch was on his feet and Morgan had hurried into the room after he heard Reid's shouts. But before Morgan or Hotch could react William Reid lurched himself towards Spencer and punched him in the face. Spencer's body was full of adrenaline and his instincts kicked in. He returned the punch his father had just given him but twice as hard. This was when Morgan dragged William Reid out of the room before anymore damage could be done. Whilst hotch stayed with spencer. Hotch decided to wait until he'd calmed down before he started asking him what had just gone on. After pacing for a couple of minutes reid finally decided to sit down across from hotch.

"I need to know that you've calmed down." Hotch spoke.

"I have." Came Reid's weak voice.

"Good, now would you please like to tell me what the hell just went on?" Hotch asked sternly.

"I'm sorry hotch I lost it. The way he was asking for my forgiveness and acted like he knew what it was like just made me so angry!" Reid said his voice rising again.

"I can tell that, but why didn't you just walk away from the situation?" Hotch asked.

"I'm sorry I just couldn't." Reid sighed. His face was starting to throb badly now and the events of what happened had started to sink in. His own father had just punched him in the face and he had just done the same back. In some ways spencer felt hurt that his own father had hit him, but he knew he was out of order and now he had probably completely ruined the chance of them having good relationship.

"Come here and let me look at your face." Hotch said in a fatherly tone.

"I shouldn't of hit him back, I was out of order and now I've ruined everything Hotch." Reid stated sadly showing hotch his cheek.

"You should get some ice on that. But don't you dare think this is your fault. Your father should of been a bit more sensitive and he should of never hit you." Hotch said slightly angry. He knew what it was like to have an abusive father.

"I know but now I've got no one." Reid said as his eyes started to glaze over.

"You know that's not true. JJ told me earlier that I was apparently the dad of the team. Now I'm not sure what I think of having Rossi as a father and being married to JJ but I know for sure that I wouldn't mind having you as a son." Hotch spoke genuinely. This made Reid smile slightly. This was probably one of the kindness things hotch had ever said to him and he was extremely grateful.

"Thank you." Reid spoke, his eyes damp. For the first time in his life he felt like he had a father figure who he knew wouldn't leave him.


	13. Chapter 13: guilt

**Hey guys, thanks for all e positive reviews especially from AWChic and LittleMiss-RozaAnn. Thanks also for the over reviews, views, favorites and follows. I hope you enjoy:)**

**chapter 13: guilt.**

It had been two days since his outburst with his father and spencer felt the need to call him. Tomorrow was his mothers funeral and he couldn't bear the thought of them arguing . Morgan had calmed William Reid down after his outburst and drove him home advising him to let spencer call him when he was ready. For the last two days spencer had been moping about a bit, but he was a lot better than he had been and was even popping the odd fact or statistic.

Spencer sat in his hotel room with his phone in his hand. He had already dialed his fathers number several times but couldn't quite bring himself to talk to him. When he finally let the phone ring he was nervous at what his fathers reaction would be.

"Spencer." Came his fathers voice, he sounded shocked.

"Hey dad, listen I'm um really sorry for well what went on the other day, I guess I was just really upset." Spencer started off. "Listen you know it's mums funeral tomorrow and I just thought that we should try and put our differences aside."

"Thank you spencer, I really appreciate what your doing here. Listen I'm so sorry for losing my temper like that, I should of never hit you and it wasn't right. I do love you and I should of never treated you like that." William said sincerely.

"It's fine dad." Spencer said desperately trying to make an effort.

"Thanks. Anyway how are you?" William asked, he knew it was a stupid question but he was concerned about his sons welfare.

"I'm better. It's just really hard." Spencer said. This was the truth he was honestly feeling a lot better, however that didn't mean he still didn't get a small lump at the back of his throat every time he thought of his mum.

"That's good, and I know it takes time. If you ever need anyone to talk to you do know I'm always here for you spencer." His dad said softly.

"Thanks dad, listen I've got to go now but I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." Spencer said quickly hanging up the phone. He felt relieved that he and his father were on good terms again and although he hung the phone up rather abruptly, at least he'd gotten it over with. Spencer lay back down on his bed, it was nearly noon but all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep. After nearly drifting off he was awoken by his phone buzzing, at first he thought it was his father calling him back, but when he looked at the caller ID it instantly sent shivers down his spine.

"Hello?" Reid asked, his voice shaky.

"Hi Doctor. Reid, is this a good time to call?" Asked the familiar voice of , his mothers old doctor.

"No, it's fine. What can I help you with." Reid asked, longing to know why he was calling.

"I know that this is quite soon but your mothers stuff still needs to be collected from the sanatarium. Now I understand if your not ready to pick it up yet so just take your time, we will keep it here as long as possible." said softly. Reid had completely forgot about the sanatarium and his mothers things. He quickly weighed his options whether or not he should go or not. He wasn't sure if he could handle looking into his mothers life and find out things that he didn't know because he rarely visited her. Suddenly a wash of guilt flooded over him and he felt sick again.

"Sorry, um today's really not a good day but I could come over another time next week maybe." Reid said his voice shaking badly.

"That's fine, just come over whenever you feel ready." replied.

"Thanks, bye." Reid said quickly and hung up the phone. He felt like he had lost his mother all over again. He just wanted to scream away all the pain he felt but he knew that it wouldn't make him feel any better. Just when he was about to let it all out, he heard a gentle knock on the door. Quickly composing himself he walked over to the door, hoping whoever it was could leave him in peace. When he opened the door he was greeted by Morgan and Emily.

"Hey Reid." Morgan said inviting himself into Spencer's hotel room.

"How are you your looking a bit pale." Emily said following Morgan.

"I'm fine." Replied reid his voice shaking slightly.

"We'll you don't look it." Said Emily gently. "You want to talk about it?"

Just the thought of telling someone the guilt he felt brought tears to his eyes. Quickly blinking them away, he shook his head.

"Your not alright pretty boy. Now when you decide to tell me and Emily whats eating at you we will be here for you, but until then we were wondering if you wanted to get some lunch with us." Morgan said gently. Reid was grateful for Morgan not pushing him to tell them what was wrong but he was definitely not in the mood for lunch.

"I'm not really in the mood for lunch." Reid said shakily.

"You sure? We were planning to go to that cafe me and you went to with the big coffees." Emily asked, concerned about Reid. As much as spencer craved a cup of coffee, he just wanted to be alone.

"I'm not hungry." Spencer lied. This is when Morgan and Emily knew something was wrong. Not once in his whole life had reid refused a cup of coffee.

"Reid what's eating at you?" Morgan said gently.

"Nothing." Croaked reid, tears glazing his eyes.

"Don't lie, since when do you refuse coffee. Just tell us what's wrong or we will try and guess." Emily said sternly, just wanting to get to the bottom of what was bugging reid so much.

"It's um well, I got a um call from um." Reid stammered tears were now visibly welling up in his eyes."My mums doctor just called and he wanted me to pick up her stuff."

"So what's really bothering you then. Reid I know that this alone wouldn't upset you." Morgan said seeing how hurt his friend was.

"It's just um, I can't do it." Reid croaked, he was desperately trying not to break down again .

"Reid don't worry about it, we get it. Just collect it when your ready and one of us will come with you." Emily said trying to assure him.

"It's not that, it's um I just feel guilty." Reid said, his voice was a bit more stronger but he was still upset.

"You have nothing to feel guilty about." Morgan said sternly.

"I do though. I rarely visited her and now I will clean out her room finding things I probably didn't even know about her. I'm a dreadful person." Reid said letting a few tears escape.

"Reid! Don't you dare say that. You are not a dreadful person and I will not let you beat yourself up about this. Your mother knew you loved her, you wrote to her everyday! Now you are going to pull yourself together and come to lunch with Morgan and I before I drag you out of this hotel." Emily shouted. In some ways this was the push reid needed and was thankful for a friend like Emily. Whipping away the tears Reid quickly went into the bathroom and washed his face. When he came out he felt refreshed and a bit better.

"I could really do with a coffee." Spencer said.


	14. Chapter 14: Funeral, part 1

**Hey guys, thanks again for all the comments and views. I was thinking after I finish this fanfiction I will write one about having a girlfriend or a family. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will try to update soon:)**

**chapter 14: Funeral, part 1**

Reid awoke with a start. His head was banging and he felt cold and shivery. Looking over at the clock he saw that it was 8 O'clock. This instantly put reid in a bad mood, today was his mothers funeral and he had only got 4 hours sleep. The whole night he kept waking up in shivering, sweaty states due to nightmares about his mothers rotting corpse. The final nightmare he had before he finally drifted to sleep, lead to Hotch coming into his room waking him from his screaming state. After assuring Hotch that he didn't need to stay the night, Reid drifted off into a dreamless slumber. Although he had managed to get 4 hours sleep that didn't stop him from feeling dreadful. He desperately wanted to go back to bed but he knew he had to get ready soon as the service started at 11. The service itself wasn't going to be a big event, his mother didn't have many friends so not many people were going to be there. Afterwards there was going to be a small reception at the hotel the the team were planning to fly back to Quantico on the jet tomorrow. Reid felt bad enough that he was keeping the team from getting home especially Hotch and JJ, who had Jack and Henry. Reid was just about to get out of bed when he heard a knock.

"It's open." Reid said, his voice heavy, he felt to tired and ill to care if anyone saw him in his pajamas.

"Reid." Said Hotch's stern voice. "I came to see how you are this morning. Are you okay you look a bit peaky?"

"I'm fine I just don't feel to good, but it's probably just because I got barely any sleep last night." Reid said, seeing no point in lying.

"Just do your best today okay. If you feel that you need a breather just say so okay. I understand how hard this is." Hotch said speaking from the heart, he remembered how overwhelmed and lost he felt at Haley's funeral, but he had jack to keep him together.

"Thank you Hotch." Reid said genuinely.

"We'll we were all going to go down to breakfast I think you could do with some food." Hotch suggested.

"No thanks, I'm not that hungry." Reid politely refused. Food was last thing he wanted right now. He was feeling ill enough and he just wanted to be on his own so he could gather some of his thoughts.

"Okay, well I'll come check up on you after breakfast. I think we all agreed that we should plan to leave the hotel at around 10 so we're not in a rush. If you need anything reid you know where to find me okay." Hotch said fatherly. Reid nodded in response and watched Hotch leave the room. Reid just sat in his bed and looked up at the greyish white ceiling. Thoughts raced through his mind, he was dreading today but he knew the sooner he got it over and done with, the sooner he could go home and try and start piecing his life back together.

"Reid, wake up. Reid!" Morgan shouted shaking the young agent.

Reid's eyes fluttered open, his vision was blurry at first but when it cleared he was shocked to see Rossi and Morgan standing over him.

"Reid you need to get up its 9.30." Rossi said softly but urgently.

"Sorry I must of feel asleep." Reid said slurred, he still hadn't quite gathered his senses.

"Are you okay? Pretty boy, your really shaking and you look awful." Morgan said concerned. Thinking about Reid was feeling awful, he felt baking hot and his head was throbbing badly.

"I'm fine." He lied, remembering that he needed to get today over and done with as stress free as possible."I'll get ready." Reid jumped out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

"We'll come back in fifteen minutes and you better be ready." Rossi warned, however Morgan and him were both not convinced that Reid was alright. Reid jumped into the hot shower. The droplets rolled down his skin giving a warm sensation. Showers always seemed to relax reid and he allowed himself to let his mind zone out to the patter of the water. After washing his hair and body, he got out the shower and wrapped himself in a hotel towel. When entering the room he realized he'd been in the shower for ten minutes only leaving him five minutes to get dressed and ready. Reid quickly slipped into his black suit and tie and ran a brush through his hair. After putting on his signature odd socks on and shoes, Reid lay back on his bed. His headache hadn't subsided and he felt cold and shivery.

"I hope your decent." Came Morgan's voice from behind the door.

"Yeah." Said Reid, his voice was heavy.

When Morgan and Rossi entered they were happy to see Reid dressed and ready,however he still looked ill and not himself.

"We should get going, you ready?" Rossi asked kindly. Reid didn't know how to answer this question, of course he was not ready, but the truth was he didn't know if he would ever be ready; so he just nodded. Reid slowly followed Rossi and Morgan to the lobby where the rest of the team was waiting for him. They were all looking very smart in there black suits and dresses. Even Garcia was wearing all black which was a rarity. Reid suddenly panicked, he felt grief,guilt and anger all at the same time and on top of that he was feeling physically awful.

"You okay?" Garcia asked quietly so only Reid could hear. Spencer just nodded, his voice seemed to have failed him.

"The cars are here, it's time to go." Hotch announced. Images of his mothers rotting corpse filled Reid's mind and he felt the little color in his face drain. Feeling numb all over Reid forced himself into the back of the car with JJ, Emily and Hotch. The image of his mother was still floating vividly in his mind and he felt shivers run through him.

"Reid, are you sure your okay." Hotch asked. Not wanting to lie anymore Reid shook his head. He was not okay.


	15. Chapter 15: funeral, part 2

**Hey guys,thank you for the views and reviews they are all so kind. Sorry for any mistakes and I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I will update the last part as soon as I can:)**

**chapter 15: Funeral; part 2**

"Reid, Reid!" Came Hotch's urgent voice. Reid who's mind went into a slumber quickly looked up to see the worried faces of Hotch, JJ amd Emily.

"I uh, don't feel to good." Reid said, his voice a bit muffled.

"You don't say, reid you really don't look well." Emily said concerned.

"Your burning up." Said JJ, after she put her cool hand on Reid's forehead.

"I'm fine. I just need to get today over and done with." Reid said. As much as he was grateful for the teams concern, he just wanted to get the service over with.

"Okay, but like I said before, if you need anything you know where we are." Hotch soda concerned. Reid just nodded. He knew they were ten minutes away. The thought of his mothers rotting corpse came to mind again but this time he felt bile rise up, burning his throat.

"Pull over." JJ said almost reading Spencer's thoughts. The driver quickly obeyed and as soon as he got to the side of the road, Reid darted out of the car. There was not much in his stomach for Reid to be sick on and each time he gagged it burned his insides. When he was sure that there was nothing left inside of him, he realized a hand had been rubbing circles on his back. Finally standing up straight he turned around and saw JJ standing behind him looking concerned.

"How did you know?" Reid croaked, confused but grateful that JJ asked the driver to pull over when he did.

"The amount of times if seen Henry's face just before he's about to hurl. Also you looked dreadful. Are you okay?" JJ said motherly.

"Thanks JJ and no not really." Reid said.

"Reid I got you some water." Hotch said running towards the car. Luckily for them they pulled over right near a gas station. Reid grabbed the water and drank it quickly. The coldness of it soothed his burning insides.

"I just called, the Morgan, Garcia and Rossi to say we are running behind." Emily reported.

"Are you ready to go now reid?" Hotch asked softly. Reid nodded and slid back into the car.

When they finally arrived at the cemetery, Rossi, Morgan and Garcia had already arrived; along with William Reid. Hotch, Emily, JJ and made their way over to the group with Reid following slowly behind.

"Are you okay, we heard you got sick on the way over." Morgan said concerned.

"I'm fine." Reid mumbled.

"Um spencer, could I um talk to you, the service doesn't start for another 25 minutes." William Reid said nervously.

"Yeah sure." Reid said looking up a little. The team all looked at him both surprised and concerned. That's when he remembered that he forgot to tell them about his fathers phone call. "It's fine guys." Reid said reassuring them and started walking with his father round the cemetery.

"So, I uh, I just wanted to say that I'm here for you spencer. I'm not going to ask if your okay because I know your not and its going to take time until you will be, but trust me spencer I know that you are strong and that you will get through this." William said, relieved that he could finally say something which would comfort his son. Spencer was taken a back by his fathers words, he basically had summed up exactly how he felt. Lost for words he just nodded his head. The Reid's carried on walking around the cemetery making small talk and catching each other up on what's gone on in their lives. They were nearly back to the team when they saw it. At first they weren't sure but then they knew. They knew it was her. A hurst had pulled up a few yards away from them and sat in it was a shining black coffin. The sight of the coffin made spencer freeze dead in his tracks. Etched in Spencer's brain was the image of his mothers rotting corpse screaming at him, telling him how much of a failure he was. His heart heated heavily and he felt like he was about to pass out.

"Spencer what's wrong?" Asked William urgently. His son had turned ghostly white amd his breathing was much to fast for his liking.

"I can't." Was all spencer managed to breath out. William Reid instantly grabbed his son and started walking him in the opposite direction of the coffin. After finding a bench were the coffin was not in view, he sat his son down.

"Sssh it's okay spencer, just breath." William said soothingly. Spencer's breathing started to even out a bit." That's it, just tell me what happened."

"I c-cant do this dad. I can't." Spencer whispered. He felt tears burns his eyes. He would of tried and brushed them away but he felt so awful that he just had to let it all out.

"What can't you do spencer." William said gently.

"I can't be here. I'm a failure, she hates me. Every time I think of her I just see her rotting corpse shouting at me saying how disappointed she is in me." Reid said, the tears started to flow down his face.

"Spencer you look at me now." William said sternly, causing Reid to oblige. "Don't you dare say that she's ashamed of you. She loved you with all her heart. Not only did you stick with her till the end, you constantly wrote to her making sure she was alright."

"I know but I rarely visited her and it I just miss her so much it hurts, dad." Spencer said violently sobbing. This is when William Reid grabbed his son into a tight embrace. At first he thought spencer would refuse seeing as he hadn't given him affection like this in years, but instead spencer just wrapped his arms around his father and buried his face into his short. It killed William to see his son this upset and he even let silent tears fall, for both his and his sons pain. After about five minutes spencer let go of his father and turned away from him. Composing himself a bit he turned back and thanked him.

"It's fine Spencer I'm your father." William said. "Also I just want to know whether or nt you still want to go through with this. It's perfectly alright if you don't, besides your ill. Your burning up spencer I felt the back of your neck and you've defiantly got a temperature."

"I'm fine dad, honestly. I just want to get today over with." Spencer said sniffing.

"I'm so proud of you, you know. Right lets get back, it starts in five minutes." William said, standing from the bench. Walking back to the team, spencer saw the coffin again. This time however, he blanked out all of the images in his mind and just concentrated on was getting over to the team. More people had arrived since he left and he was grateful to see that there were people who cared about his mother.

"There you are we were getting worried." Garcia said slightly frantically.

"You ready, it's about to start." Hotch asked gently. The whole knew that spencer was upset, he still had bloodshot puffy eyes,but they all knew he would force himself through this. Spencer just nodded in reply. It was time to finally say goodbye to his mother.


	16. Chapter 16: funeral, part 3

**Hey guys thanks so much for all the commewas and reviews. Sorry for any mistakes and I really hope you enjoy this chapter:)**

**chapter 16: funeral, part 3**

After carrying and placing his mothers coffin to her lot, Reid stood back and let the service take place. The vicar said a few words and read passages from the bible. It was now Reid's turn to say goodbye to his mother in his own words. When Reid heard his name being called up his whole body froze. He had the speech in hand yet he could t move from the spot. Hotch seeing that Reid was in no state to say what he had prepared, grabbed the bit of paper and made his at to the front. Reid still frozen just stood there.

"I will be speaking on behalf of today. Here are some words that he prepared about his mother." Hotch announced. "Many of you here today knew Diana Reid. Some of you may of remembered her for her intelligence, others may of remembered her for her brutal honesty; but I remembered her for the person who was consistently been there for me. Even though my mother had episodes and couldn't always be there for me, I always knew she loved me. She was the person who taught me the love of knowledge, she was he person who taught me that I'm fine the way I am and I shouldn't listen to people who try to bring me down. My mother was my inspiration, despite her illness she tried her hardest not to loose herself. She was there for me when I needed advice, a shoulder to cry on or someone to share my achievements with me. For her just being Diana Reid makes me incredibly grateful to be her son." Hotch finished. There wasn't a single dry eye in the small crowd of people. This was when the body was lowered into the ground. Reid stepped forward first. He dropped a dark pink rose on his mothers coffin, then picked up a handful of earth and threw it on the coffin. He had specifically picked dark pink as they were a symbol of thankfulness, and he was forever thankful for his mothers life. After dropping the earth, Reid felt cold rush through him. Mounds of earth would soon cover the coffin his mother was in and over time her body would rot and decompose. Without noticing he slowly backed away for the small crowd and when he was right at the back he turned around and ran.

Reid ran as fast as he could. Once out of sight and a very good distance from the service he sat down on a bench, and let the tears fall from his eyes. His mouth started to tremble he was crying so much, as much as he told himself to stop; he simply couldn't. After a good ten minutes, Reid heard footsteps coming towards hi. He didn't bother turning around to see who it was nor did he bother to even try and dry the tears falling from his eyes.

"I've got to hand it to you kid you are fast." Came Morgan's voice.

"I justt c-couldn't do it anymoreee." Red stammered.

"Ssshhh sssh, it's okay reid, I really don't blame you, you've been so brave my junior G-man." Came Garcias soothing voice.

As much as these words were comforting to Reid it didn't stop the tears. Morgan came and sat down next to Reid, whilst Garcia perched in front of him.

"do you need a hug?" Garcia asked kindly. Reid just nodded. Instantly Garcia wrapped him into her arms and squeezed him tightly. They sat like this for a good five minutes before Reid finally broke away.

"Thank you." He croaked.

"Kid, you need to stop thanking us okay." Morgan said gently. Suddenly reid felt hot and dizzy.

"I don't feel to good." Reid said. Penelope feeling his forehead gasped.

"Your burning up. I think we should get you back to he hotel. The service has finished." Garcia said concerned. Not arguing reid got up and followed Morgan and Garcia to the cars. The odd tear still escaped from Reid's eyes but he had calmed down a lot. When they finally reached the team, they were looking at him worriedly.

"Reid there you are. What's wrong." JJ said, knowing that something wasn't quite right.

"He's not feeling to good." Morgan replied.

"I think we should get back to the hotel." Rossi suggested. When no one disagreed the team slid back into the cars and headed to the hotel. Reid was completely exhausted. He's eyelids felt heavy and he felt slightly delirious.

"You know I've learnt something." Reid slurred.

"what's that?" Emily asked.

"That we should all live our lives to the full because you never know what could happen. One day you could be perfectly fine and the next day you could be in a hospital bed. So we should all love and cherish each other like we wont love tomorrow." Reid said heavily yet he let his eyelides drop and he was welcomed to a deep dreamless sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys so sorry I didn't update sooner, but thank you so much for the views and reviews. Sorry for any mistakes and I really hope you enjoy this chapter:)**

**chapter 17: hibernation **

Reid awoke suddenly. His head was throbbing badly, his nose was so blocked he couldn't smell a thing, his muscles felt extremely heavy and his throat hurt so much it felt like it was on fire. Sitting up slowly Reid looked at the clock on his bedside table. It was 6.30. In e morning. He'd been asleep for 18 hours, missing the reception. Reid would of felt bad but he felt so awful all he wanted to do was go back to sleep. Swinging his legs to the side of the bed he slowly tried to get up. Realizing that he was fully dressed he headed to the shower. When Reid finally got on his feet he felt so dizzy he nearly passed out. Once the dizziness passed Reid finally managed to make his way to the shower. He quickly turned it on and indulged in the hot droplets which massaged his aching muscles. After washing his hair and body he wrapped himself in a towel. Shivers quickly ran through Reid's body and he was visibly shaking. Quickly going into his room he changed into a pair of jeans, a checkered shirt and one of this cardigans. He was still shivering violently so decided to go back to the warmth of his bed and covers. At first he tried to read but it just made his headache even worse. He then decided to check his phone. Getting it from his bedside table he saw that he had three new messages. The first one read:

_Hi spencer,_  
_You really weren't well last night so I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you. I hope that your okay and if your not you can call me anytime even if its just for a chat. The doctor from the sanatarium rang and asked me to pick up Diana's stuff. I checked with Morgan first and he said that it was alright if I did so. We could meet up for coffee today before you leave so I could give you the stuff, it belongs to you. Anyway text me when you get this._  
_Dad._

Reid was thankful that his dad had picked up his mothers stuff. We knew that we couldn't bring himself to do it before they left for Quantico and he doubted that he'd ever do it once he was in Quantico. He would meet his father later though to get the stuff, although he couldn't bring himself to collect it, that didn't mean he didn't want to keep it.

_Hey dad,_  
_Sorry I didn't see you at the reception yesterday, it was a bit selfish of me. Thank you so much for getting mums stuff, I don't know if I could of brought myself to do it. I'd love to meet for coffee is 9 O'clock alright, at the coffee shop near the hotel?_  
_Spencer._

He replied. He knew the team were planning to leave for noon so he didn't want to leave it to late to meet his father as they had already done enough for him. Reid carried on reading his other messages.

_Hey reid, wen u wake up txt me I have somethin I nd to tell u. Morgan._

Reid found it usually took forever to decipher Morgan's texts as they were usually written in slang. He didn't bother to reply because ephe knew that Morgan probably just wanted to tell him about his father picking up the stuff.

_Hey Reid, JJ and I are having breakfast at the moment, care to join us? That is if you are awake from your hibernation;) Emily x_

Reid looked quickly at the time of this text. It was sent five minutes ago so they were probably still down there now. As Hungry Reid was, he felt to cold to move from his bed.

_Hi Emily, thank-you for the offer but I'm still not feeling to good. Also I doubt I was hibernating as hibernation is a state of inactivity and metabolic depression in animals, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and lower metabolic rate. Seeing as I feel like I'm on fire I doubt I was hibernating;) Reid x_

He replied, lying back in bed. His stomach grumbled loudly, he hadn't eaten all of yesterday and the day before he'd only really eaten lunch. His phone buzzed again and he checked to we who had replied. To his surprise both Emily and his father had.

_Hi spencer,  
That's great, I will see you then.  
Dad._

_Reid! What have I told you about not writing long statistics in text messages! Besides it was a joke, your suppose to laugh. Anyway stay where you are me and JJ are going to bring breakfast to you. Emily x_

Reid was grateful that the girls were coming up with the food. He couldn't wait to fill his empty stomach. Sitting back he decided to relax a bit and close his eyes. He was still cold but the softness of the covers made him start to drift off back to sleep. He was just about to have a surprisingly pleasant dream when he heard a knock on the door.  
"It's open." He murmured,his eyes still tightly shut.  
"Reid, your not going back to sleep." Emily shouted making Reid jump.  
"18 hours just wasn't enough for him." JJ joked.  
"I'm awake!" Reid stated, sitting up.  
"May I ask why your in bed if your fully clothed." Emily said confused.  
"I'm cold." Reid said rubbing his eyes.  
"Your not well reid, I think you should see a doctor." JJ said her motherly instincts kicking in, "your burning up as well."  
"I've just got the flu I think. I seem to have most of the symptoms." Reid said casually.  
"Just the flu." Emily laughed.  
"I'm fine honestly." Reid assured them. "Did you bring any food I'm starving."  
"Of course we did." JJ laughed, taking various items out of her bag."we got you some cereal, toast, eggs, bacon, sausages, orange juice, pancakes, paracetamol, water ohh and coffee."  
"Do I really need all that food?" Reid asked.  
"Who said it was all for you." The girls joked.  
After Emily and JJ set it all out on e table in Reid's room the three of them dug in. Reid had eggs, bacon, sausages and toast, and a glass of water.  
"We brought coffee especially for you reid." JJ said concerned that Reid wasn't touching the coffee.  
"My throat is burning enough and I really don't think coffee will help." Reid joked.  
"We'll that's a shame because I'll just have to have it then." Emily smiled.  
"It's 8 already, I've got to pack soon we're leaving at 10." JJ stated.  
"What I thought we were leaving at noon." Reid said confused.  
"We had a change of plan, everyone just wanted to get back. Why, were you suppose to be meeting someone?" Emily asked.  
"Yeah I arranged to meet my dad for coffee before we were going to leave. But don't worry I'll just get him to come here instead it's fine." Reid said although he was slightly disheartened.  
"Are you sure. We all don't mind leaving an hour later." Emily said kindly.  
"No it's fine. I really want to get home and besides JJ, you haven't seen Henry in ages and hotch hasn't seen jack either." Reid said truthfully.  
"Thanks reid." JJ said appreciatively, she desperately wants to get home for Henry.  
"It's fine." Reid replied. Taking another sip of water as his head started banging again. He closed his eyes to try and calm it a little and nearly found himself dosing.  
"Geez reid someone's going to have to stay with you 24/7 just so you won't fall asleep mid-sentence."

Reid packed his stuff up and planned to meet his dad at 9 at the hotel so he could say goodbye. When he made his way down to the lobby his dad was already there with several boxes with him.  
"Spencer. How are you?" William asked pulling his son into a hug.  
"I'm fine dad. Just a little bit under the weather that's all." Reid said. Just a little under the weather was a huge understatement. Reid somehow managed to feel worse throughout the morning and eventually had to give into to coffee just to keep himself awake.  
"That's good son, I'm glad that your doing so much better." William said, happy his son was in a better state than he was the previous day.  
"Thank you. Thank you as well for collecting her stuff, I don't think I could of done it." Reid said quietly.  
"It's fine if you need anything, never be afraid to call me." William said sincerely. Reid just nodded." Also I had an idea, I kind of feel that I should make it up to you a bit after not really being a proper father, so I thought you could come round for thanksgiving."  
"I'd love to." Reid said without hesitation. William Reid's eyes lighted up with happiness.  
"I love you spencer."  
"I love you to dad."


	18. Chapter 18: home

**Hey guys I am so so so sorry I didn't update sooner, I feel so bad. My Internet stopped working! Thanks again for the views amd reviews, I've got a surprise coming up. I really hope you enjoy:)**

**chapter 18: home**

Reid awoke suddenly to a loud. He instantly sat up and rubbed his eyes to take in his surroundings.

"You woke him up you idiot." A loud voice cried.

"Sorry reid." Said an apologetic voice, it was Morgan. Reid looked up to see a mug smashed into several pieces and an apologetic Morgan picking them up. Swinging his legs over the sofa he went to make himself a cup of coffee.

"How long was I asleep for?" Reid asked his voice thick.

"Well you basically feel asleep as soon as your head hit the lounger, so about two and a half hours." JJ said looking up from her book.

"How you feeling?" Rossi asked.

"Umm better." Reid lied, he was in fact feeling exactly the same as he had that morning. After meeting with his father Reid quickly packed his bags then met the team on the jet. He'd felt so drained by the time they took of he feel straight asleep.

"Don't lie reid." Hotch said without looking up from his book.

"Fine. I still feel awful, happy." Reid said annoyed that hotch had seen through his lie. The coffee pot was finally ready and Reid poured it into one of his favourite mugs; he couldn't wait for the hot liquid to run down his throat. However as soon as he took his first sip, he instantly spat it back out.

"Everyone, Reid's finally drank coffee which was too strong." Emily joked and the team laughed. Reid, however, didn't find it funny and quickly tipped his coffee down the sink and replaced it for water. Quickly gulping the down the whole glass, he looked up to see his team staring at him concerned.

"Throat was already sore, coffee made it on fire." Reid croaked, each word was painful.

"I think you should see a doctor Reid." JJ said motherly.

"I'm a doctor." Reid croaked.

"Really Reid, just go or I'll take you myself." Morgan threatened.

"Fine but it's just the flu, I'll just be wasting their time." Reid moaned. Bored he made his way back to the lounger. His head was still pounding and his muscles were aching so much they felt like they were about to drop off. Sitting back slightly reid shut his eyes trying to ease his head slightly.

"Your not planning on going back to sleep are you." Garcia asked concerned. Sleep did seem very tempting to Reid, for some reason the suggestion made his eyes feel heavy.

"I'm tired." Reid mumbled.

"So the 18 hours you had last night and the two and a half hours you've just had now isn't good enough for you." Rossi joked.

"I just want a quick nap." Reid moaned like a five year old.

"You can go to sleep only if you promise to see a doctor when you get home." Hotch said as if he was speaking to jack.

"Kay." Reid mumbled and began to let his eyes close.

"Jeez for a genius she can be stupid sometimes." Emily commented, the whole team nodded in agreement.

Reid woke up to someone shaking him.

"What." He groaned.

"Reid we've landed, unless you want to stay on the jet then you better get up now." Hotch said sternly.

"I'm awake." Reid moaned rubbing his eyes. His head wasn't throbbing as much, but his throat still burned badly. Sitting up he swang his legs over the lounger and slowly stood up.

"Enjoy your nap." Morgan said sarcastically.

"Enjoy smashing a mug into thousands of pieces, because your not capable of holding something breakable for more than five seconds." Reid snapped back.

"Wow someone got up on the wrong side of the lounger." Morgan said slightly taken a back that Reid had snapped at him.

"I'm sorry I'm just craving coffee, but my throat hurts to much to have any." Reid said, ashamed that he snapped like that at Morgan.

"It's fine reid your not feeling well and everyone knows how much you love your coffee." Morgan said, he couldn't stay mad at Reid.

"Thank you." Reid said, happy that Morgan had forgiven him. Reid grabbed his go bag and the box with his mothers belongings in and followed the rest of the team off the jet. As soon as Reid stepped outside, he was greeted by a torrent of cold air, which rushed past him, causing his whole body to shiver.

"Your cold aren't you." Hotch said in his usual monotone.

"It is cold, it's not just me." Reid lied.

"I'm giving you a lift home." Hotch stated.

"Hotch you haven't seen jack in ages because of me, I'm fine just getting the metro or a cab." Reid said, not wanting hotch to spend anymore time away from jack.

"Don't be stupid and let me give you a lift." hotch said offically.

"Fine." Reid said giving in, the truth was he really didn't think he could manage the metro. After saying goodbye to the team Reid slid into Hotch's SUV. They spent most of the journey sitting in a pleasant silence.

"Reid I just want you to know that the team and I are incredibly proud of you." Hotch said breaking the silence.

"Why, there's nothing to be proud of." Reid mumbled quietly, a bit thrown off by Hotch's comment.

"There is. We are all proud at just how strong you've been. We are all so proud that you made up with your father and how you've acted with the given situation." Hotch said genuinely.

"Thank you but that's hardly true. I ran off from the hospital then had a breakdown in a park and then threw up because I couldn't handle being in that hospital. I had another breakdown when my dad came,I then punched him , I nearly lost it again when the sanatarium called and then I had another breakdown at the funeral. I hardly call that keeping it together." Reid said, ashamed about the way he acted.

"Reid, there is no need to be ashamed about how you acted. You had just lost your mother and we all know how close you were to her. You really should be proud of yourself, you've managed to get through this and she would be so proud of you for that." Hotch said, he wasn't going to let reid beat himself up.

"Thanks hotch, for everything." Reid said his eyes glistening slightly.

"It's fine reid." Hotch said pulling up to Reid's apartment block. "If you ever need anything just ask, okay. Not matter if its some ungodly hour you call me, okay."

Reid nodded and picked up his go-bag and the box.

"Thanks again hotch." Reid said gratefully.

"Reid it's not a problem." hotch said."Ohh and before I forget, go see a doctor. Dont think I won't get the tem to check up on you."

"Yes." Reid said stubbornly. Making his way up to his apartment. A sense of relief filled his body. He was just happy to be home.


	19. Chapter 19: Kazia

**Hey guys thanks for all the views and reviews and I really hope you enjoy this chapter.:)**

**chapter 19: Kazia**

Reid awoke the next morning feeling slightly better. As soon as he got into his apartment he went straight to bed and had another peaceful night of dreamless sleep. Reid yawned as he sat up in his bed. His head wasn't pounding as much and his throat wasn't on fire like it had been yesterday. Deciding to brave it Reid got up put of bed to get a cup of coffee. He slowly padded his way through his neat apartment and made his way to his white kitchen. Turning on the coffee pot, Reid grabbed one of his favourite Sir Arthur Conan Doyle books, whilst he waited for it to finish boiling. After finishing his book and his coffee, Reid knew that he had to do something he was dreading. Looking through his mothers belongings.

Slowly making way to his living room he sat on the sofa and opened the large brown box in front of him. His eyes instantly started to fill with water, when he saw that the majority of the box was filled with letters. Letters that he wrote to her, and she had kept every single one of them. Reid didn't bother flicking through them, he had an eidetic memory, he didn't need to be reminded of what he'd written. Picking up all the letters, he took them out of the box and put them to one side. The remaining content of the box where books. Reid saw that they were all her favorites and memories of her reading them to him as a child flooded through him. When Reid took out all the books he was left with only two at the bottom. He was instantly confused as never in his life had he seen these before. Taking them out of the box for further inspection, he realized that they weren't books, in fact one was a photo album and the other was a scrapbook. Reid quickly opened the photo album and examined the many pictures. Even though he had an eidetic memory and could read 20,000 words per minute, he spent a good two minutes examining each photo carefully. Reid was filled with warmth and nostalgia and both tears of happiness and grief fell down his face. After going through the photo album a good ten times, reid moved onto the scrapbook. Inside it was his mothers handwriting, it was similar to a journal in some ways as it had lots of her thoughts on life but it also contained many pictures. Just looking at his mothers handwriting brought the tears to flow even heavier down Spencer's face. Spencer slowly flicked his way through the scrapbook. When he got to the last page a note on the corner caught his eye.

_To my dearest Spencer, if you are reading this then it means I'm gone, I'm sorry that this illness finally beat me. I'm so sorry that I could never be the proper mother you deserved. you were always the one who looked after me and never left me and that is one of the reasons why I love you. I'm so proud of you. For what you've done with the gift you've been given. Promise me that you'll never ever stop using your brilliant mind. Anyway, I should stop now but you must remember that I will always love you. But please don't pity the fact that I'm gone, be happy that I lived and managed to create a genius like you. Love always, mum xxx_

Spencer's whole body racked with uncontrollably sobs. He needed to leave escape. Wiping his eyes, he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. he walked and walked oblivious to where he was going. Somehow he found himself in a park. Just staring Into space he let his thoughts run riot.

"Excuse me." Said a voice. Reid being n his own thoughts jumped up.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to give you a shock. It's just that I was wondering I you were okay, you looked a bit upset." Said the voice. It belonged to a very pretty young women about Reid's age. She had shoulder length choppy hair and greenish eyes which glistened in the light.

"I'm fine thanks." Reid said, caught in a trance of her beauty.

"Are you sure? Your crying." She said gently and sat down next to him. Reid's cheeks burnt red with embarrassment, he'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he hadn't realized he'd been crying.

"I'm sorry it's been a tough week." Reid said truthfully. For some reason he trusted the stranger sat next to him.

"Well if you need to talk about it I'm all ears. I'm Kazia, Dr Kazia Little." She answered.

" Reid."

**Hey guys, what did you think? I really wanted reid to have a bit of happiness. Also I know that Kazia is quite an unusual name but it's one of my friends middle names and I thought it had a nice ring to it. P.s I'm writing this at midnight and I have school tomorrow so sorry for any mistakes.**


	20. Chapter 20: doctors

**Hey guys thank you for all the views and the positive views. I try my hardest with this fanfic so I hope you enjoy it.:)**

"Reid, what an interesting name." Kazia replied politely.

"Sorry, my names Reid." Reid said quietly, he somehow trusted Kazia a lot.

"Aaah a fellow doctor. What do you have a phd in?" She asked lightly.

"Mathematics, sociology, physiology and chemistry. He did you know that I had a phd, I could of been a medical doctor." He asked, suddenly intrigued by the woman in front if him.

"Well I'm a medical doctor and trust me I can spot one from a mile a way." Kazia joked. "I can also tell that you've had an awful case of the flu. Have you been in hospital lately?"

"No, not for me anyway." Reid replied sadly.

"What! I can tell from here that you've been really ill, gosh your such a typical man, you won't accept help. How an earth did you manage to get rid of your fever." She asked intrigued that this man hadn't even gone to a doctor.

"I slept. A lot. Last night I got about twelve hours, yesterday I had about four and half in the day and the day and night before I had eighteen hours. Also I'm not a typical man, I just didn't feel that ill." Reid said, his mood lightened slightly.

"Wow that is probably the biggest understatement I've ever heard. Just giving you a check over now I suggest that you have lots of bed rest and drink lots of fluids, you still look ill." She said slightly concerned, she pressed her cold hand against his forehead causing him to jump slightly. "Sorry. But you've still got a temperature."

"Thank you, I guess I don't need to see a doctor anymore." Reid smiled.

"I guess you don't." Kazia said smiling back.

"Just out of interest are you Hebrew?" Reid asked, his mind remembering facts about her name.

"How um, how did you know?" She asked slightly taken a back.

"Kazia is a variation of Keziah. Keziah was one of Jobs three beautiful daughters from the Hebrew bible. I was just so intrigued by your name and it was the only connection I could make, but that's why I'm confused because Little isn't a very traditional Hebrew surname" Reid answered.

"Wow how did you know all that, are you some sort of genius?" She asked. Reid turned a deep crimson color.

"Oh my god you are aren't you. I should have known with all those PhDs at your age." She said happily. Reid kept turning bright pink.

"Stop changing the subject." He said embarrassed. Kazia felt slightly uncomfortable, explaining her name meant explaining her life. So she decided to make a deal.

"How about this. I'll tell you my name if you tell me why you were so upset." she said still happily. If she had to open up to this stranger who she confronted first, then he would have to open up to.

"No, it's personal." Reid said feeling the grief rising up inside of him again.

"Well so is this. You can either live your life knowing the reason behind something so illogical or you cannot." She joked.

"Fine." Reid said giving in, he just couldn't deal with things being illogical when there was a perfectly logical answer.

"Okay here I go. Well as you guessed my father came from a strict Hebrew family, he was a slightly rebellious child and one night at a party he met my mother. My mother was gorgeous you see, she had blonde hair and bright green eyes and they feel instantly in love with each other. However my fathers parents were really against him marrying someone who was not Hebrew. Him being so in love with my mother, ran away with her. They eventually got married bought a house and had me. When I was born my father didn't want to leave behind all of his Hebrew traditions so my mother and him agreed on the name Kazia. My real name is in fact Kazia Kelner. I had a fairly straight forward childhood my mother an father loved each other dearly and constantly showed it. However after I got to the age of eight, they seemed to grow further and further apart. I guess people never really tell you what happens after the happily ever after. When I was ten my father left completely. He left me and my mother with nothing and it got so bad for a year of my life I was living on the streets. My mother managed to get a job and we managed to piece our lives back together. But the first thing I did when I turned 18 was change my name. I wanted nothing to do with my father so I now use my mothers maiden name. Everything I am today is because of my mother." Kazia said looking down. When she finally looked up she saw that spencer had silent tears rolling down his face.

"I'm sorry did I say something." Kazia said confused and apologetic.

"Its not you." Reid said whipping his face, extremely embarrassed."Sorry it's just um, it reminded me of my mother. The um reason, I um, came here today, the um reason I've had a tough week, is because she um passed away." Reid stuttered.

"I'm so sorry." Kazia said genuinely, she remembered how lost she felt when her mother died. "Listen I know how you feel. When my mother died I felt so lost and I didn't really know what to do with myself, but trust me it gets better. I know how hard it may be hearing that now but it does." Kazia spoke gently.

"Thank-you." Was the only words reid could manage. Kazia was truly something special. Reid was about to muster up the courage to tell her this when he heard his phone ring.

"Sorry, this will take two secs." Reid said. He silently cursed Morgan when he saw the caller ID, for ruining the moment.

"Hello." Reid answered.

"Reid where the hell are you. We've been worried sick." Morgan shouted.

"What do you mean?" Reid asked confused, he'd been given as much time off work as he needed.

"I came over to your apartment to check up on you and the door was left wide open. Where are you!" Morgan said his anger subsided slightly.

"I was um running late for my doctors appointment and must of forgot to shut the door, sorry." He lied.

"Sure of course you did pretty boy and just to let you know me and hotch are an item." Morgan said sarcastically.

"Congratulations, you should of made an announcement." Reid replied equally sarcastically. "I'm not lying."

"Fine put me on the phone to your doctor then." Morgan said confidently.

"Fine. Here's my doctor." Reid said and passed the phone to Kazia.

_"Please play along,"_Reid mouthed_._

"Hello, this is Dr. Kazia Little, I understand you are a colleague of Reid ." Kazia said officially.

"um yes." Morgan mumbled slightly embarrassed.

"Dr. Reid has had an extremely bad case of the flu and frankly I'm quite surprised he wasn't hospitalized. The worst of the flu has managed to blow over so he won't be needing hospitalization anymore. However I suggest heavy bed rest and lots of fluids and he should be as good as new." Kazia said trying to hold back a laugh.

"um thank you, I'll make sure he does that. If that's all then I would like to talk to ." Morgan said extremely embarrassed.

"Sure, and I do believe its ." Kazia said finding it hard not to laugh.

"Morgan all these years you've known me and you still can't get it right." Reid laughed.

"Sorry, Reid, anyway I think you should get back Garcias going insane." Morgan said then hung up. Both Reid and Kazia burst into hysterics. they both laughed until there rubs hurt. Reid felt true happiness he hadn't felt in a long time and knew that it was all down to her.

"I've um got to go back now." Reid said sadly."But here's my number maybe I could call you sometime and thank you so much for today, just being there listening really made a difference." Reid handed Kazia his business card.

"I would really like that. Here's my number too. I honestly didn't mind meeting you today, maybe we could do this another time." Kazia said sadly.

"Definitely." Reid said with a smile. They both stood up and hugged each other goodbye. Reid couldn't wait for their next meeting.


	21. Chapter 21: 1 year later

**Hey guys, thanks for all the reviews and views they mean a lot. I'm planning on writing a sequel to this story, so please keep reading. I did want Reid to have some happiness. Just a quick note, this story is suppose to be written around the end of season 5, so this chapter is around the end of season 6. Memoriam never happened nor did Maeve, because I hated how the whole Maeve thing ended. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter:) p.s sorry for the mistake at the end I can't correct it on my iPad.**

**1 year later**

Reid sat on the bench letting the cold wind whip around his face. Silent tears ran slowly down his checks. He was angry at himself for letting them fall, as he hadn't cried about his mother in months but he just couldn't hold it together. Shivers ran through his entire body as he stared at the writing before him.

Diana Reid

29th July 1945- 8th November 2009, aged 64

A loving and caring mother.

'Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.'

― Albert Einstein

'Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.'

-George Eliot

It was the first time he'd visited his mothers gravestone since the funeral, but he knew it had to be down. Just the fact that her name was there in bold letters made it all feel offical. He felt like he lost her all over again. A year ago today his mother left him. A year ago today her heart stopped beating and she took her final breath. These thoughts raced through Reid's mind and the tears started to fall heavier. His team knew where he was going when he asked for time off and Morgan even offered to go with him, but Reid felt bad enough keeping them away from the families the first time it happened and didn't want to go through the same thing a year on. Getting up off the bench he moved closer to the gravestone and sat crossed legged in front of it. He placed down a bouquet of pink carnations. He wasn't sure what flowers his mother liked in particular, but he'd done some research and found out that pink carnations meant gratitude and he felt strong gratitude for everything his mother had done for him.

"Hey mum, I'm err sorry I haven't come to visit you, it's been tough, really tough." Reid mumbled through the heavy flowing tears.

"It was hard going back to work. I took two weeks off but even still, it was hard. A few cases I just lost it and hotch ended up sending me home. It's just my job, the amount of times I see unsubs who have schizophrenia it just gets me mad because not everyone who has schizophrenia turns into a murderer. Anyway, I um I got better, never once did I turn to dilaudid and you know what they say once an addict always an addict. But I guess you can say I had help. You see the day after I got back from Quantico after it happened, I lost it and I went to the park. I ended up meeting this girl and well she's amazing, like no one I've ever met before. Her names Kazia Little and she's is literally one of a kind. We kind of saw each other a lot after that. She helped me. She was there for me. The team don't know about her yet though and I kind of want to keep it that way. I mean hotch lost Haley because of the reaper and when the kingfisher targeted our team he targeted our families. There's also another reason, just um, a couple of weeks ago, Emily um Emily died. I just can't go through the pain I'm going through with Emily, if I lost Kazia." Reid said his whole voice shaking, he was crying quite hard now. "But I will tell the team about Kazia soon, because I'm uh, planning to propose to her tonight. She came with me to Vegas you see to help me through this. I also figured that I can't live my life dreading this day each year, so I thought that instead of it being something that I mourn and feel sad about, it's something that I can look forward to and remember it as a new beginning." Reid whiped his eyes a bit, he felt a weight off his shoulders that he told someone about the good news. Just then his phone rang.

"Hey spence." said Kazia. Along with JJ she was the only one who called him that.

"Hey" Reid said, you tell by his voice that he'd been crying.

"Listen, I'm nearly at the lot, would you like me to wait in the car?" She asked gently.

"No it's fine, I think it's time you met my mother." Reid replied.

"Okay, but only if that's okay with you spence." Kazia said.

"Its fine. I love you." Spencer replied.

"I love you too spence." Kazia replied before she hung up. Everytime she told spencer this it made a warm sensation run through him. A few minutes later Kazia came and sat down next to him.

"I like the quotes." She said reading the headstone.

"I picked the Einstein one and my father picked the George Eliot one." Reod mumbled.

"Hello Diana, I'm Kazia. I just want to say that if you were anything like your son then you were an amazing person. I kinda want to thank you aswell. You were the person who brought up one of the most kind and considerate man I've ever met and the only person I've truly loved." Kazia spoke. Reid looked at her with his big caring eyes.

"I love you." He said and hugged her tightly.

"I love you too." Kazia said kissing him softly on the lips.

"I uh have something to tell you, it's really important." Reid said softly.

"So do I." Kazia stated."I'm uh I'm, pregnant." She said looking up at Reid, a huge smile planted on her face. Reid was in slight shock, he was going to be a father.

"I uh, I, will you marry me Kazia." Reid finally spat out.

"What, this isn't just because I'm pregnant is it. You don't have to do that spence." Kazia said slightly taken a back. However what Reid did next shocked Kazia even more. Reid lent on one knee and brought out a velvet box. He opened it and inside of it lay a small gold ring with small amethysts encrusted on it.

"Kazia Scarlett Little, you are the first woman I have ever loved, will you marry me." Reid saidtear few tears falling from his eyes.

"Yes, of course I will Spencer." Kazia cried.


	22. Chapter 22: 9 months later

**Hey everyone, thank you so much for al, the views and reviews of this story. This will the last chapter of this story, but I plan on doing a sequel for fourteen years later. Henry does exist and I plan in using him In my sequel. I just hope everyone has enjoyed it.:) p.s I can't correct the mistake at the end, it's suppose to be child not chiand.**

9 months later.

Reid looked down at the peach colored bundle in his hands. His face had tears of happiness streaming down them. There in his arms was part of him, there in his arms was his daughter. His whole body was full of warmth and happiness, from now on he felt that it was his job to look after this precious bundle no matter what.

"She's so beautiful." Reid cried.

"I know she is, I love you both so much." Said Kazia, who was lying in the bed next to Reid and her daughter. She had just endured 20 hours of labour but for some reason she felt the best she'd ever felt in her whole life. She just sat their in a trance looking at how perfect her life was. Sitting before her was one of the most beautiful sights she'd ever seen. The man she loved, her husband, holding so gently, her baby daughter. She was suddenly snapped out of her trance by a knock on the door.

"Come in." She called. The door opened and in walked the entire team.

Spencer didn't tell the team straight away about Kazia. After Emily supposedly died, he was a mess and when she came back he had lost all the trust he had with them. It wasn't until he got in trouble by hotch for being late for work because of scans that he decided to tell the team. At first the team were in shock. They couldn't believe that their boy genius was getting married and about to have a child and hadn't told anyone. After they all got over how hurt they felt because of him not telling them, they were all dying to meet Kazia. After the first meeting they all welcomed her with opening arms and soon she was part of their dysfunctional family. Reid and Kazia had got married just a few months later. The wedding wasn't a huge affair just close friends and family came; however the reception was beautiful. Rossi chose to play host and let them use his huge garden. Fairy lights were entwined everywhere and in the centre of all the tables was a black and white dance floor. The whole night mainly revolved around cheesy dancing but it was a night that Reid and Kazia would never forget.

"Darn you guys, I was having a moment." Kazia joked.

"Sorry we just couldn't wait to see." Rossi said, his voice filled with glee.

"So tell us is it a girl or a boy." Penelope cried.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet our daughter." Kazia said pointing to Reid and her daughter. Reid was so immersed in his daughter that he hadn't even noticed that the team had come in.

"That is one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen." JJ said, tears of happiness in her eyes.

"That's exactly what I was thinking." Kazia spoke with a smile.

"Wow Reid, who thought you of all people would be a natural." Morgan joked.

"What, when did you get here?" Reid said confused. The whole team burst out laughing.

"So what are you going to call her." Hotch spoke up.

"Well we are kind of debating between names. Spence came up with something though." Kazia smiled.

"Ohh yeah um, we were kind of thinking, Stella Scarlett Diana Reid." Reid said slightly embarrassed.

"It's beautiful, what does it mean?" Emily asked.

"How did you know?" Kazia asked, she still couldn't get over profilers abilities.

"Its Reid, it's obviously going to mean something." Rossi laughed.

"Yeah, um, Stella is Latin for star, and well she's our little star and Scarlett and Diana are our mums names." Reid said without looking up from his daughter. Slowly looking up he saw that all the girls were in tears, including Kazia, and Derek, Rossi and Hotch's eyes were glistening.

"Why the hell are you debating that name, just call her Stella for gods sake." Morgan joked, nearly in tears.

"Okay, okay whatever the godfather says." Kazia said with a smile.

"What me." Morgan said shocked.

"Well we thought Stella could use a cool godfather." Reid smiled.

"Can I hold her?" Morgan asked. Reid stood up and gently handed Stella over to Morgan. "She really is a beauty."

"Would you like to hold her next Emily?" Kazia asked

"umm sure, but why me." Emily asked slightly confused.

"Emily will you be Stella's godmother?" Reid asked. Emily started crying.

"Of course, god you two are you trying to get me to break down." Emily cried. All her life she wanted a chiand but she knew this was probably the closest she was going to get. Reid looked around and joy filled him, his child was going to have one of the most loving families.


End file.
